u/Fifi-123

I (51F) have been online dating for a while and have had a couple relationships. Usually once I am interested in someone, it is fairly easy to fade away from any others I had been chatting with. This time is a little different.

Current situation is that I had an exceptionally great first date with guy #1 on Fri. We have our 2nd date on Thurs and have been talking for hours on the phone and texting often. We have loads in common, and I am definitely interested in him. He paused his profile and said he is only interested in talking to me.

I have also been talking to guy #2. If guy #1 was not in the picture, I would be very excited to go on a date with #2. I know it is not always wise to put all my eggs in one basket, but I am not wired to juggle multiple people, and I really do not want to continue talking with #2 while I see how #1 plays out. #2 is asking about my schedule so he can plan a date.

So is there a way to politely pause #2 for a couple weeks while I see if things work out with #1? I was thinking of texting him something like "I had some unexpected events come up that are keeping me extra busy. Let's talk in a couple weeks if you're still available." Any better suggestions?

UPDATE- I just texted #2 and told him I had a great date and have a second date planned and that I am not the type who can juggle multiple guys at once. I apologized for the timing and said we have some great things in common. Asked him if I could hold onto his number to reach out in the future if we are both available. Feels good to just be honest, even if neither works out.

I have been online dating for a while and have had a couple relationships. Usually once I am interested in someone, it is fairly easy to fade away from any others I had been chatting with. This time is a little different.

Current situation is that I had an exceptionally great first date with guy #1 on Fri. We have our 2nd date on Thurs and have been talking for hours on the phone and texting often. We have loads in common, and I am definitely interested in him. He paused his profile and said he is only interested in talking to me.

I have also been talking to guy #2. If guy #1 was not in the picture, I would be very excited to go on a date with #2. I know it is not always wise to put all my eggs in one basket, but I am not wired to juggle multiple people, and I really do not want to continue talking with #2 while I see how #1 plays out. #2 is asking about my schedule so he can plan a date.

So is there a way to politely pause #2 for a couple weeks while I see if things work out with #1? I was thinking of texting him something like "I had some unexpected events come up that are keeping me extra busy. Let's talk in a couple weeks if you're still available." Any better suggestions?

I have been actively online dating for the past year and a half. I was initially very vigilant about exchanging phone numbers since a phone number can easily be connected with an address. The apps make communication difficult, and texting and calling are much more convenient, so I became more lax.

However, I have had 2 instances in the past week that reminded me of why I should not share my phone number.

1- a local guy who I messaged with about 10x. He seemed sweet. We texted a little (for not even 2 days total), and I quickly saw that he was negative, pushy and just not a match for me in his communication style or values. I texted him that I am talking to some other guys who seem more compatible to me, we are not a match, and that I wish him well. We had never even spoken on the phone. He immediately called my phone 4x, and sent multiple paragraphs calling me names and spewing nasty accusations. I blocked him then got more calls, and coincidentally a raunchy text from an unlisted number. It has been 5 days, and I got another gross text from an unknown number yesterday that I suspect is him again.

2- an accomplished executive. We had pleasant banter via text for 6 days, sent pics of what we were doing, and talked about making plans. He started saying that it seemed I was too busy to have time for him, I responded that I definitely have time. Then he said my dogs would be a hurdle to us hanging out, I responded that I have lots of help with my dogs and it would not be an issue. Then he said, "I have noticed that you enjoy telling me no." I thought he was joking. He was not! He started demanding an apology and saying I was disrespecting him and disregarding his feelings. I did not apologize (since I did nothing wrong.) I told him we obviously have different communication styles and are not a match and wished him well. He texted a long paragraph about what a horrible person I am for not taking ownership of my actions. His words were unhinged and very disturbing. I blocked him and hope that there will be no more contact.

These were just somewhat frightening reminders that people on the apps are totally strangers and should not be trusted too soon. Stay cautious out there!

I 51F had a mostly good 7 month exclusive relationship with a guy who treated me like a queen, was so nurturing, giving, passionate, and kind, but lacked emotional availability. We had a great time, but he backed away when things got deep, so there was a lot of push and pull. He broke up with me 3x during that 7 months.

In early June, I ended things after some things made me realize that he is not good for my nervous system, and that we don't really have a lot in common. I felt like it ran its course, and it was just time to move on. We parted on very good terms but had no contact.

After 3 weeks of being apart, he wanted to talk and professed his feelings for me (first time ever.) He said he realized what he lost and wanted to go all-in to 'build a future together.' I thought about it but very kindly told him that my brain knows better than to try again and that we are just not a good fit. I wished him well and told him I wished there was a way to remain friends because I would miss him but I don't know how that would work. Everything was amicable, BUT I know we cannot be real friends. There are too many feelings there, mostly on his side at this point.

Now another 3 weeks has passed, and I received a card from him in the mail today sending good wishes, asking how I am, saying he is thinking of me and that he misses me. I 100% do NOT want a relationship with him. I am healing well, miss him less and less and am moving on. At the same time, he was a huge part of my life, and as you know- cutting contact is really hard. I feel bad that he is struggling.

So the question is, do I acknowledge the card with a quick text thanking him? Would that just encourage him? I do not want to open the door to reconnecting. However, I think about if the shoe was on the other foot, I would be crushed if he did not respond at all to me reaching out. But maybe he was wrong to reach out at all.

I (51F) joined Facebook dating last week, and the response has been overwhelming. I have 4 dates this week and several others asking when we can meet. This is after very minimal engagement on Match.com, so I am hopeful!

I am messaging frequently with the 4 guys that I am meeting this week. I have never been in this situation where I am juggling so many men at once. They all seem to ask about my plans when we message. When they ask what I am doing, do I fib a bit and say that I am having dinner with a friend? Do I say I have a few dates this week? Is it just assumed that everyone is dating multiple people until exclusivity is discussed?

I 50F had a year-long Match subscription, during which I had 2 relationships. So my profile was hidden much of that time. However, when I first got on Match and the 2 times I unhid my profile, I had 100 or more likes in the first few days.

Monday I re-joined Match. My subscription had run out, so I polished up my profile and joined as a silver member, I previously had platinum. I have only received 2 likes, and 6 men have viewed my profile. No other activity at all. Does anyone know why this would be? Do I need to upgrade to platinum so men see my profile? I am not saying I am a hot commodity, but something seems off.

Why is it that almost immediately after being dumped, I realize that I totally had rose-colored glasses in my relationship? This has happened to me after both of the relationships I have had since my divorce. Suddenly I can see all of their faults that I casually ignored while we were dating. It certainly makes it easier to get over them, but I hate that I settled for so much less than I want from a man. Maybe I just love having someone in my life. I would love advice for avoiding this in the future.