u/Fifi_The_Broken

Content warning: mentions of the sex industry. Possibly implied nonconsensual situation.

I (22 female) had my first sex dream last night, and I only call it that because the act was performed in the dream. And it's the plot line from the dream that I can remember.

I had a dream last night where I was a stripper, I am not one in real life. I went to a pole dancing class as training for the job, all the women were nice but I didn't learn how to do it. Then I started working there. Neon lights and a stage, and when it was my turn to try dancing I hung on to the pole with all of my might and one of them swung it around I guess to try to help me. All of this switched between the first person and third person view, so for a few parts I saw myself like I was looking through a camera at myself.

Here's where the WTF part comes in. The owner wanted to help me. A white man whose face and body kept changing from scene to scene because obviously dream logic. The ethnicity matters for later. My brain decided that instead of instructions on dancing, he was turning me into one of his girls. A sex worker. Yes I am aware that the two professions are not one in the same. I actually have a lot of respect for people who do these professions (stripping and hooking and pornos) because it is a very dangerous field and I really wish it was safer for them. That's not important to the dream, I'm just making it known.

Well. Well there was no violence, he did take me. We were alone in a room and he kissed me with tongue, and it faded to black, then suddenly I was giving him a hand job, and my downstairs hurt. So from that I can infer what happened during the fade to black. Yes, I did not see every detail. But I count it as a sex dream. Also in the dream I got the job by choice. I really don't know what my dream self was thinking when taking said job.

However, I did not like it. I woke up thinking genuinely what the f*** was that. Because here's the thing also: my boyfriend is a 22 male, who looks nothing like this weirdo. He's black, scrawny, and so sweet I think if he stood in the rain he would melt. He's very respectful and very patient considering we haven't done anything yet and we've been together for 3 years. (I have issues getting ready, the lack of intimacy in that area is fully on me) If he had been in the dream I would have liked it. But he wasn't. It was some random borderline (probably) pimp. And I had to put it somewhere so I'm putting it in this subreddit because it says dreams. If this dream sounds like it should be called something else because of the content and how it made me feel please let me know. I do not want to miss label it and have it seem like it's something it's not. But it was extremely disturbing. I don't normally dream about explicit things, usually it's random characters from pieces of media that I enjoy doing random things and interacting, or a nonsense situation with me and the people I've known. For example: Axel from KH for the first half being some kind of secretive spy, and then in the second half sitting at a dinner table in the bathroom while I tried to scoop beads out of the tub to make a mother's Day present.

My brain craps out nonsense. Not this. And it's not because of content I have been consuming recently either, I haven't been looking at that stuff recently. I haven't been thinking about it, I haven't been writing about it, I haven't been listening to it. It wasn't on my mind before I went to bed. I just don't like that this happened and it made me feel so God damn Disturbed.

Thank you for reading to whoever saw this.

Currently we're living with my dad's girlfriend who is also on the spectrum, which I'm adding for clarity because she does deserve that. I have my issues with her as an individual and some of the things she's done. Such as threatening to call the police on my dad when she was trying to break up with her, giving gifts and then demanding them back, and victim blaming my dad for his last two relationships. (my birth mother and step mother abused him and me and my siblings.)

This is about something that happened a few minutes ago and I'm putting it here because I feel it is a neurodivergent issue.

I can't handle loud noises, slamming doors, squeaky toys, whistles, my Chihuahua bark super loud. And the smoke detector. It hurts my ears in a way I can't describe beyond that. It's not a physical pain but it makes me flinch like it is. I can't control it. I grab my ears and make a noise. I am being honest.

She opened the oven, smoke detector beeps, I react. Didn't blame anyone, didn't comment, I thought it was fine. A few minutes later Dad and her are having an argument because my reaction was unnecessary and she took it personally. He's trying to explain and she doesn't do loud noises well either, I've seen her react with a similar reaction. But it was unnecessary.

I apologize. I'm trying not to cry because I'm trying to give her another chance and the whole situation is telling me I'm wrong. A reaction I can't control is wrong. Not trying to mask myself heavily is wrong. Being me is wrong. It hurts. I express this to dad when he asked in the group chat if we (my brothers and me) could try to avoid reactions like that. I apologized before I saw the texts.

It hurts. I'm genuinely sorry if my reaction comes off like I'm trying to make someone feel bad or get attention, but I genuinely cannot control it. But I'm wrong. I can't be me. Yet again I can't trust someone who swears I could and that they understand because they have similar struggles.

So I had to put it here.

Also, all three of her kids are on the spectrum too, diagnosed asbuegerers and ADHD. (I probably spelled that wrong.) I'm not diagnosed, I can't find a testing place. I'm just trying to give all the information and context I can. Sorry this is disjointed, I'm emotional right now.

Thank you.