I just started gaming (pc) and I wanna try MMOs, I have no idea what are the best ones and I'm F, so I'm trying to have the least toxic experience while enjoying my time and having fun with other people. What do you think?
So, I have been trolled so hard lately by someone (we were not together and we have never met before, we are from different cities). I was made to think that we had something special but apparently it was all out "politeness and courtesy". I've never encountered people who flirt back and express admiration just not to reject people if they don't like them - or at least that's what he said.
That person and I no longer talk. He probably isn't thinking of this anymore. But my core was shaken, it's been days and I still get tears whenever I see a happy couple or anything that signifies that two people like each other and they chose to give it a chance, why? Because I no longer think it's for me, or maybe because my brain is so sick of getting hurt that I am afraid of even being happy if someone says he likes me. This made me exhausted in every way possible wlah. Hasbiya lah wa ni3ma lwakil
The special thing about this ironic incident is that I have been nothing but innocent, I did not dare to think badly of that person, I literally banned myself from taking precautions. I prioritized him, I was invested in his interests and worries, I was ready to do a lot for him without asking. My decision was based on mutual expression of admiration, and I kinda expressed my feelings and asked him if he's okay or uncomfortable and he said no, the opposite, and carried on the next days telling me about that conversation had a great impact on him only to realize that I was a book on the shelf, just like many. He might see this post, so if your sorry ass is still sorry just let me get over this hell, I'm already in the middle.
He blocked me once I confronted him about his misleading behavior and we agreed that it was so wrong of him to act that, you can say we confirmed that he's (unaware) fuckboy.
It's been days, I still can't feel myself, I don't wanna see people, he suggested some shit for me to watch and I haven't finished them yet, I can't do that now. Every time I think of something he suggested, said, or how that made me feel, I cry. I don't wanna see people, I don't wanna go out, I'm kinda losing joy and excitement given I'm someone who's known for laughter and jokes. You can say hassit brassi techmet because I did nothing wrong and I'm sure of it because if my friend treats another friend of his this way imma beat the shit out of him because even to my standards, this is NOT okay. Before he blocked me, I was thinking that maybe I can rewire my brain because we had so much fun talking about every topic, philosophically, socially, psychologically, etc. So I did not want to lose that since we've been talking for a while, but apparently I was immediately eliminated, like I don't know how people do that wllah, I'm flabbergasted.
I realized it's best for me to stay away from any recent generation person because I no longer get what's normal and what's not. What's okay and what's not. I'm literally clueless and don't know how to deal with people or what to expect of them. I had a guy telling me that he likes me yesterday, and even wanna be with me, my first reaction was "I think that's very much easy to say" and in my brain immediately gave me the idea that he doesn't mean it at all, as for the relationship part, I just ignored it because I know that once I will actually give it my thoughts or enjoy it, it's no longer gonna work. It's more like I'm damned or cursed.
Any piece of advice to help this poor creature go through this unplanned troll? I preferred risking having this read by my friends and him just to help myself out of this because it's painful and it's even more painful to think that person is back to his life enjoying it meanwhile I'm burning inside. I don't hate him tho, I just hate the core of the existence of the likes of him.
NB: I did enjoy that version of myself coming out because I'm usually in my defense or survival mode. So, at least I know that version of me exists, somewhere..