Mother Daughter fight
TW: mentions of self-harm and suicide, and maybe the smallest bit of creepy behavior!
Hello Reddit, I have come here to seek advice! So I [15F] and my mother [50F] got into an argument a couple of days ago. My mother and I were on our way home from school, but we decided to stop at a grocery store to pick up a few energy drinks and a few quick, pre-made salad things. It is almost finals week for me, which is extremely stressful for me, since I was just done completing the AP exams. Granted, I was under a lot of stress, but I still feel bad for my mother since she did pick me up from school after her shift at work, and she had an appointment at the doctor's soon after. While we were in the energy drink aisle, I was trying to quickly pick out some I liked, but my mother was "nagging" me about not picking the bigger one and to buy the case. While I understand her concern, I was just trying to get the best-tasting one with a good amount of caffeine to keep me up. I voiced my opinion, and she was like, " Okay, get the one you wanted", but then I saw a new type, and I wanted to try that instead. I switched them out, and then she said something along the lines of, " Don't get that one," and then I said something along the lines of, "I wanted to try this one, and it's cheaper." Then she agreed and went to the self-checkout. I was just scanning the items, trying to get home as soon as possible so I could nap and she could get to her appointment, but then she saw that the deal for the energy drinks didn't apply. I was just like "it's not a big deal its a two-dollar difference." My mother saw that and quickly ushered someone over to help. Quick thing, I forgot to mention, I am very anti-social, I hate conversing with strangers, and I am not a confrontational person. I am the type of person who would not go to the bathroom for fear of being perceived as getting up and going out of the classroom. On the other hand, my mother is a very loud, confrontational woman, and we often get into fights about my antisocial behaviour. I thought everything was done, and I started heading out, but my mother saw something on the receipt that was like the deal wasn't applied. At that point, I was in the car, and it started raining. I was just standing outside in the parking lot in the rain. Then, after about 6 to 8 minutes, she came out with the two dollars. She semi-shouted my name from the parking lot, saying something along the lines of 'I don't get why you are like this.' When we got into the car, she started kinda yelling at me about why I am like this and why I can't speak up. At that point, I started shutting down and crying, because in the past I had learnt that she would never understand why I am the way I am. Then she started talking about my history with self-harm, saying, "Oh, you are gonna go home and cut your arm like always. Just know if you do that, I am calling the police on you." At that point, I was so done; there was no reason to bring up my history with self-harm. So I started shouting back, about how she should call the police, and I would tell them everything about our family, and other stuff, and here is where I might be wrong, but I said I wish she wasn't my mom and that she was dead. That was really wrong of me, and I do feel bad about that comment, but here is some background on our relationship. She never actually parented me. She never taught me anything in general, and especially about periods, shaving, stuff about being a woman, and general human stuff. It was more of the opposite. When I was about 10 years old, I would have "lessons" with her, telling my mom that my dad did not love her and how she was wrong for forgiving him after every fight. After every fight, I was sent to comfort her, but when I was sad, she would always turn it to make it about her or how she was gonna kill herself or leave me if I kept self-harming. Now that we established that, at that point we were almost home, and she was threatening me of just wait till we get home, and I was so done, I was like "hit me, beat me, or even kill me, I don't care." Once we got home, I just went upstairs and locked myself in my room. Then my mom came and was yelling at me to unlock the door, and I thought the door was gonna break. She threatened to use a hammer on my door. When I did unlock it, she was yelling the same stuff about how she was gonna call the police, and then she took my door handle, and I couldn't close my door. Which is especially bad, because my dad's room is across, and he was very creepy to me when I was a kid, and we are not on the best of terms, which I believe my mom is aware of. After she left, I was sobbing in my closet because that was one of the only doors I could close. After a couple of hours, she came into my room and apologised and left, which is so annoying to me, how after fights she acts as if nothing happened. After a couple of days, I couldn't take the fear of not being able to close my door, so I had to disassemble another doorknob to put on mine. Now, it has been a couple of days, and I miss my mom and my dad, and my sister is leaving soon for her senior vacation, and it will be just me and her at home. I don't know what I should do. I feel like I am crazy and I am wrong. Please, Reddit, give me some advice on what my best course of action is.