How to navigate a relationship where you feel trust has been broken but you still love them?
Hi all, I’m not sure if this is the appropriate group for this but I am lost, and have no one to talk to about this.
I (26F) am currently engaged to my fiancé, (32M) and we have been together since 2022, got engaged earlier this year and are suppose to be married next summer.
Before we met, he was in a long term relationship of around 5-6 years, it ended a year and a half before we met and from what he told me he is over her (which I believed as there was no indication he was still thinking of her, she got married, no contact and it was obvious he was not happy in that relationship.) Two years ago, I was on his laptop and found folders of women, celebrity women along with local Instagram influencer types that he saved as well as he said he used AI to make up stores to arouse him. I confronted him, it was ugly but he said he used it to “help him with sex.” In his previous relationship he struggled with I’m assuming ED as he could never keep his erection. He ended up deleting it.
Now fast forward to today, I was on his laptop and found maybe about 15 folders of celebrities and influencers, most folders containing tons of images of them. To make things worse, on a USB he had a folder of three girls, one being his ex (let’s call her Jane) another being a girl we both knew whom he maybe dated briefly in 2014 (called her Rebecca) and a folder of me. The folder of Jane had about 30 images he that said they had when I hover on the image it shows recently modified a week ago. And these were screenshots he took while dating her, pictures of her in a bikini, two pictures together and even three AI generated images of her. Rebecca also had about same amount of photos and a TON of AI images of her at a red carpet, being a celebrity etc. As well as recent photos he had screenshotted from her social media. my sad folder included three images, all AI generated, barely looked liked me.
I confronted him and he was sorry, said it was all deleted but I feel hurt, betrayed as if he cheated on me. I still love him but I am nervous if this is something that can resolved or not. Our engagement I want to postpone so he can work on himself because I cannot continue in a relationship like this. I am not even sure what to call his problem. Is it a masturbation addiction? Porn? Besides this, we have been happy, planning our wedding and overall excited about the future.
For context, we do not live together, we are waiting till marriage to move in with each other (religious values.) i live my family and he lives alone. Also, his ex, Jane has always been the only “problem” in our relationship as I also knew her and due to low self esteem was always jealous of her.
Please, please give men any advice or kind words. I am struggling and heart broken