Overcoming a recurring cycle of intrusive thoughts, self-loathing, and heavy spiritual battles — seeking wisdom
I’ve been dealing with intrusive, depressive thoughts for 20–25 years. The Lord faithfully delivered me from drug addiction about 20 years ago, and overall, my mental health has improved significantly since then. I’m happily married, have four kids, and served in ministry for about 13 years.
Most of the time, I am doing well. However, I keep hitting the same wall: I fall into a familiar trap of intrusive thoughts about myself and my life, which slides into deep self-loathing. It almost functions as a warped defense mechanism or false comfort.
When this happens, a heavy depressive spirit seems to rest on me, and I struggle intensely for days. The pattern only breaks when I pray with someone else to renounce and break that heavy spirit.
God has brought me through so much, but I haven't been able to fully break this specific cycle. How do I retrain my mind and break this habit of retreating into self-loathing before it opens the door to this oppression? Has anyone with a similar background found lasting freedom here?