u/Fine-Flower4527

Salam, posting this on behalf of a colleague struggling to get out of major dilemma. And has to take a life changing decision.

I am out of advices and my last resort would be to connect him with a counselling coach. I don’t know how comfortable he would be.

So, He (born Muslim 32) likes a revert female, almost of the same age. However his family is against the idea of him getting married to a woman out of their culture or out of their community circle.
Fearing that the society wont accept it, there will be misalignments post marriage, the two families will never be able to get along, the girl would turn on him (as shown on Indian media these days), that she is not sincere on her Deen, she won’t fit into their family, and that they truly know he wouldn’t be happy taking this decision.

He spoke to each member of his family and tried to convince them. He has exhausted all his options. Mostly lives on an autopilot mode lately. Stopped being active, and his actual fun self.

They straight of imposed a condition on him, that he has to cut ties with his entire family, if he chooses to go ahead with her.

I have met the girl, she’s genuinely the sweetest. Has no ill intentions. Prays, fasts and steadfast on Deen. She really wishes to have his family onboard.

Now, they got him engaged to a girl (of their known circle) this December despite of his constant refusal. He visited them on his yearly trip to hometown, and everything was arranged saying that they have already given a word to the girl’s family. Now they cannot backout due to reputation damage.

He has been in constant stress since then. Had a panic attack twice. He has 3 elder brothers and 2 elder sisters, but none wishes to even hear him out. They are rigid on their opinions. He lost his mother long back. He sees no resort but to abide by them as he doesn’t want to lose his father (any kinda health issue that might be caused due to this decision of him).

He is now concerned about 3 things-

the woman he promised to marry and is in love with, wants to make it halal and give her a dignified life. As a revert myself, I understand her situation too. It is difficult to find someone trustworthy, honest and loyal. Its more difficult in our country.
the girl that his family committed to. He is a compassionate man and doesn’t want to traumatise the girl as she has done no harm in this whole situation. He also fears, her Baddua will never let him be happy. The catch is, she also lost her father a month back. So he doesn’t know how she would take this.
losing his family forever. He loves them as every child does. He is also disappointed and disheartened that they’ve turned deaf towards his needs and happiness.

As a friend, I am concerned for his mental health.
I don’t know what exactly can be done in this situation.

P.s please dont judge this man, he is genuinely a great human being and follows Deen. Its a sad truth but Indian men, especially from a small town, are under so much pressure from their families, sometimes their whole life becomes a blur. They’re preached to keep their needs last, prioritise family values, suppress emotions, follow the culture and be a MAN.
I would seek help for my own brother if this was his situation. Hence I am looking out for a genuine advice from the Ummah and no negative energy here. Feel free to ask questions.
Jazak Allah Khair.

Wish to Learn Arabic

Ahmedabad- Any Imam contacts for Counselling

Ahmedabad- Any Imam Contacts for Counselling?

Dilemma of choosing between family and own happiness