u/Fine-Passenger-7636

I don’t even know where to start tbh. My bf (28) and I (27) have been in a relationship for like a year and a half. When we started talking he straight up told me that he is poly and has a girlfriend (28) for like almost 10 years already. They were pretty new to this poly thing as well. I agreed to still see him and date him because I was being curious about being poly anyway so I just wanted to see how this goes. There were a few smaller and a few bigger problems and a huge problem in this relationship so far. In the beginning he didn’t tell me that he was kinda engaged to his other partner which was a huge shock for me cause she let it accidentally slip while her and I was texting. I felt my heart just crush and I was so sad that I wasn’t made aware of that earlier because it changed for me lowkey a lot of things and especially the dynamic. He always went on and on about how her and I are equal and I wanted to believe that so bad but with stuff like that it was hard for me to believe him. I really like his girlfriend and her and I became really good friends for a while but I would lie if I wouldn’t say that she made me VERY insecure. She was the total opposite of me: very chill, very funny, pretty, thin and just a chill person in general. Everything I am not and it always made me overthink why he was with me in the first place. It didn’t help that he lowkey talked about her constantly like funny little stories all the time, what she does for routines and sometimes she was the last topic of conversation we had when we went to bed. It was kinda frustrating and just fueled my insecurities. When then had the conversation about telling our parents, all three of us. I am VERY close to my mom and told her first and she was pretty chill with it, asked a few questions and made sure I was okay. But they didn’t tell their parents for a while which made me feel frustrated again. After many talks she was the next person to tell their parents and it went pretty smooth as well. But then the problem started yet again. He told his mom (but not his dad) and his mom was absolutely not happy with it and straight up told him to not tell his dad cause he would be disappointed. My partner told me from day 1 that I was equal to his other partner and that he will tell his parents and they’re so chill and that he wants me to meet them bla bla bla. Well a year later now and he still hasn’t told his dad and keep saying „yeah I will tell him soon“ and I straight up said to him that I don’t believe him and that he’s full of shit. I’m sad or more so disappointed that he tells me how much he loves me but he can’t even defend me in front of his mom or his friends (that at times just straight up ignore me and purposefully speak a different language so I don’t understand them). And then new years was what kinda broke my heart and friendship with him and his other partner. We were out (the three of us) with some of their friends. They all spoke a different language again and left me out the conversation (I had a talk with him before we went there that I would appreciate it a lot if he would speak the language that I spoke so I could understand a bit, also his friends also speak that language they just choose not to) so I felt very depressed and just started to sit outside most of the night (it is important to state here that I have a diagnosed social anxiety). He went for a walk with a few of his friends and tore his ankle in the process and was in pain. He decided to put ice on it and that we go to the ER the next morning. I brought him water and just took care of him so his partner could enjoy the night with the other friends. At around 8am the next day he woke up with tears because of his ankle and I told him to go to the ER. We woke up his partner and asked if she wanted to come as well and she agreed. At the ER I was pushing him around in the wheelchair and just took care of him. After two hours we were able to go and he said he needed to drive by his parents house which already made me annoyed. So I had to sit in the car ride in the back so his parents couldn’t see me. He sent his partner to the house to get some medicine and crutches and then his mom called him to come inside as well. He didn’t tell her that I was in the back in the car and just went inside as well. And there I was, sitting alone in the car like a fucking dog left behind. I just started crying cause I was so upset and realized in that second I don’t think I will ever be equal to his other partner and it honestly just broke my heart. Since then it’s been really rocky between us because I lowkey resent him for that even though he apologized a million times and tries very hard to make up for it. But also my friendship with her is also kinda broken because I also expect more from a close friend. I resent them both kinda for it but I also want things to get better but I just don’t know how. I have many talks with them but I don’t think they fully understand how I feel.
And then last weekend him and I were on our first mini vacation together, just the two of us in a different city and I was just so happy and excited because for a while everything felt good and normal again and then he started talking about his other partner again the whole time and I just wanted to go home and be sad again.
I feel like I’m going crazy and like I’m overdramatic or I don’t know at this point. I’m very confused. I feel like because they’ve been so so long together already I will never be equal and then I question if I really want to feel this way forever.
I don’t know I’m just hurt and confused.
Any advice appreciated.