Wedding or no wedding
Be nice please this whole experience is very trigger for me. So I am already married just to start, but my entire engagement and wedding was a complete nightmare because of my mom. She literally was a momzilla and would gaslight me and still does the entire time. I am working on cutting her out of my life but it’s hard because me and my husband come from cultural background where it’s just a no no to to exclude your family from anything. That said. My husband and I got married 3 years ago basically my mom did every and anything you aren’t supposed to do. Wore my dress, stole my veil the day before the wedding to get it “steamed” without telling me making me 3 hours late to rehearsal, dinner and everything the next day. She sat on her laptop and worked the entire day. Got things for the wedding and put them in my name and then didn’t pay them. Didn’t pay for things she promised to pay. Refused to go to events, threw together my bridal shower in 4 days because she wanted to go on a cruise and no one could come. Continuously told me how I was too fat and my arms would look terrible in my dress, I was incompetent. The list goes on and on and on. I wanted to uninvite her but everyone swore she would be “fine” on my wedding day. TBH it was just hurtful that my mom obviously didn’t care about what was supposed to be one of the most important days of my life. Well fast forward now weddings are extremely triggering for me and make me so sad and alone because I feel like none of my “family” was there for me during the time that was supposed to be special. I know the world isn’t going to stop because I’m getting married but I would have like to feel like it meant more to my family. Every-time I go to a wedding, see wedding photos I am so triggered and sad. I’m always so happy at wedding but seeing their families be happy for them and makes me sad for the support that I don’t have. I am in therapy and have been working on boundaries and cutting my mom off in general but it’s a process. My husband has said since our first anniversary that we could get married again and since I hyphenated my name and then just take his last name as a way of “redoing” it/renewing our vows in the future, but I know it’s not the same and I don’t want to spend all this money on it. Has anyone ever had something like this happen and if so what did you do? How did you get over it etc?
For extra context I tried talking to my mom multiple times and she refuses to take any fault and said I was a bridezilla because I tried to control everything. Also claims to be hurt because we aren’t as close and doesn’t know what my problem is.
Edit: we aren’t in the process of planning a vow renewal, but if we would we would do something for 5/10 years and if this happened my mom would not be invited or even told.