u/Finguili

[Complete] [14k] [Fantasy/Adventure/Mystery] The Tail-Eating Monster

Blurb: Rimenari, one of the 333 elenia, was hoping to find plenty of rare herbs on her way to collect a water sample for a university assignment, and perhaps one or two fay-beasts to hunt. The signs of fay-beasts were there — but a dead body with a missing tail was certainly not part of her plan. And something tells her that the beast was not the only culprit.

With the police dismissing the possibility of law magic being involved, Rimenari has no choice but to set off with her friends to tail Tetrisïa’s most eccentric student, who is interested more in ancient cannibalism customs than in meeting an elenia.

Sample: <https://s.evanescent.space/the-tail-eating-monster-ch1>

What I’m looking for: I’m mostly looking for big-picture feedback. Things like, was the story interesting, what you liked/what you didn’t like, what was confusing, boring, etc. I have left a short note at the beginning of the manuscript about this.

Timeline: It’s short, so ideally I would like to receive feedback within two weeks. If it’s not possible, I’m flexible, but please let me know beforehand.

Swaps: I’m open to swapping for similar length manuscripts, or the beginning of a full novel. The manuscript must be completed and edited; I’m not interested in alpha reading. As for my preference, I mostly read fantasy and light novels, but as long as your story isn’t set in the present-day real world, I may be interested. Please send me a blurb, word count and sample if you would like to swap.

Full manuscript available on request. I can send a link to Google Doc, epub or PDF by DM.

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u/Finguili — 13 days ago

<https://docs.google.com/document/d/1CQMCUup9U9oireI9S5DRkjnOIm6xdipNjLWRkyAGgK4/edit?usp=sharing>

Premise: Rimenari, one of 333 elenia, finds herself investigating with her two university friends a murder where the victim was found with severed tail.

This is the first chapter of a 15k-word story I have been writing in breaks from my main novel. It was meant to be a murder mystery, though it came out more like an adventure, and longer than I wanted, but I still liked it enough to edit it a bit more and get some feedback on my writing. I would appreciate people answering these questions:

  • How is world building presented? What are your impressions of the world just from reading this chapter, and what did you find confusing?
  • What type of story do you expect from this fragment?
  • English is not my native language. Were any sentences worded strangely enough to show it?
  • General impression of the chapter; what did you like and what didn’t you like?

Feel free to also leave inline comments/suggestions and critique other aspects of my writing.

u/Finguili — 22 days ago