u/FirefighterBoring947

My biggest issue in my life is the fact my social battery just dissapears in 10 minutes. I imagine a hangout being very fun and enjoying until i go to the hangout just to realize i have to interact with the ppl and talk to them. I like their presence, but i dont like talking to them for long, my voice just dissapears and no word comes out. Whats worse is the fact im so selfaware that i start fidgeting very weirdly.

To prevent this, i choose one person at every event to stick to and make that person do all the talking and be my company for the day, i become their child basically. And for some reason, to those ppl i can geniunely talk to without losing my wanting to talk? basically this happened even with nuru (childhood long distance friend), i didnt enjoy the hangout much until we went to draw and stopped talking. i think this is a huge issue preventing me from enjoying basically anything. its like i want them with me, i want their company but i dont want them to be aware that im real.

I also get very paranoid and feel like everyone is staring at me and they have something against me? it makes me so uncomfortable and i start zoning out and cant focuse on anything but that.

So my concern is wether the therapist could be helpfull or not, because i see myself gaslighting to ‘oh that was fun’ when it rlly wasnt and i realise it only way later. So i feel like id be lying to my therapist. also this issue rlly needs to resolve, my parents are worrying so much nd breathing near my nose (more cus they think im getting worse again and dont want me having an attempt again).

im already doing my best by smiling at ppl awkwardly when no smile ever would come out. Im already doing my best, they think im being rude and moody when i geniunely am not, its the way i function i cant control it. I cant even answer a cashier properly, they think im foreign lmao. Im also extremely bad at eyecontact which makes every interaction even more awkward.

But do you really think therapy would help me if it rlly makes me extremely anxious and i cant rlly tell the full story about my bad experiences with my parents?

Speaking of my parents, the only reason i was allowed for therapy 1 time, was because i attempted so it was obligatory by the hospital. If i do ask for therapy they might start asking questions and get really worried that im getting worse, so thats another issue that needs to be solved especially if i choose a psychiatrist, so what exactly do i tell them?

To clarify, i have not always exactly been like this, i as a child used to be protected against social standards so i didnt really HAVE to communicate because of my parents, i just used to stand by them every event (which i also hated) and it didnt make me as anxious (except when she was introducing me to some mothers) so the day just ended up being boring and not THAT exhausting.

i personally believe therapy would be useless to me, because i understand people and myself a lot, and i can regulate it now to the point it doesnt lead me to scd again, by regulating its mostly avoiding events and still socially interacting with my cousins (i can be weird around them haha) so that im not completely isolated. But i fear i dont have any mental complications and its my nature (well atleast thats what i think) so im not sure if a psychologist would have anything to diagnose me with if that makes sense.

And btw im not thinking about this stuff 24/7 i just like to reflect my problems so that i can keep going and not think “my life is so good why am i making ts up”., so its not like this is also an extra issue. Also i feel like im very self aware and i do believe nothing is wrong with me, but i rlly cant control this, and i feel like im wasting my life like this. Im very aware of my issues and theyre not rlly up to me, so would a therapist help or a psychiatrist? maybe none?

im NAT. My biggest issue in my life is the fact my social battery just dissapears in 10 minutes. I imagine a hangout being very fun and enjoying until i go to the hangout just to realize i have to interact with the ppl and talk to them. I like their presence, but i dont like talking to them for long, my voice just dissapears and no word comes out. Whats worse is the fact im so selfaware that i start fidgeting very weirdly.

To prevent this, i choose one person at every event to stick to and make that person do all the talking and be my company for the day, i become their child basically. And for some reason, to those ppl i can geniunely talk to without losing my wanting to talk? basically this happened even with nuru (childhood long distance friend), i didnt enjoy the hangout much until we went to draw and stopped talking. i think this is a huge issue preventing me from enjoying basically anything. its like i want them with me, i want their company but i dont want them to be aware that im real.

I also get very paranoid and feel like everyone is staring at me and they have something against me? it makes me so uncomfortable and i start zoning out and cant focuse on anything but that.

So my concern is wether the therapist could be helpfull or not, because i see myself gaslighting to ‘oh that was fun’ when it rlly wasnt and i realise it only way later. So i feel like id be lying to my therapist. also this issue rlly needs to resolve, my parents are worrying so much nd breathing near my nose (more cus they think im getting worse again and dont want me having an attempt again).

im already doing my best by smiling at ppl awkwardly when no smile ever would come out. Im already doing my best, they think im being rude and moody when i geniunely am not, its the way i function i cant control it. I cant even answer a cashier properly, they think im foreign lmao. Im also extremely bad at eyecontact which makes every interaction even more awkward.

But do you really think therapy would help me if it rlly makes me extremely anxious and i cant rlly tell the full story about my bad experiences with my parents?

Speaking of my parents, the only reason i was allowed for therapy 1 time, was because i attempted so it was obligatory by the hospital. If i do ask for therapy they might start asking questions and get really worried that im getting worse, so thats another issue that needs to be solved especially if i choose a psychiatrist, so what exactly do i tell them?

To clarify, i have not always exactly been like this, i as a child used to be protected against social standards so i didnt really HAVE to communicate because of my parents, i just used to stand by them every event (which i also hated) and it didnt make me as anxious (except when she was introducing me to some mothers) so the day just ended up being boring and not THAT exhausting.

i personally believe therapy would be useless to me, because i understand people and myself a lot, and i can regulate it now to the point it doesnt lead me to scd again, by regulating its mostly avoiding events and still socially interacting with my cousins (i can be weird around them haha) so that im not completely isolated. But i fear i dont have any mental complications and its my nature (well atleast thats what i think) so im not sure if a psychologist would have anything to diagnose me with if that makes sense.

And btw im not thinking about this stuff 24/7 i just like to reflect my problems so that i can keep going and not think “my life is so good why am i making ts up”., so its not like this is also an extra issue. Also i feel like im very self aware and i do believe nothing is wrong with me, but i rlly cant control this, and i feel like im wasting my life like this. Im very aware of my issues and theyre not rlly up to me, so would a therapist help or a psychiatrist? maybe none?