I think im depressed
i dont want to self diagnose but if i tell my parents, they wont believe me. My parents are religious and don’t necessarily believe in Depression or any kind of mental illness and im also not old enough to do anything without my parents consent.
i hate the way i look, i hate the way i act, i hate that im not smart, i hate that people never listen to me, and the think i mostly hate is myself.
this past year was the worst its ever been. im currently in sophomore year and i am currently failing 2 main classes and i have no grades higher than a C. i have no effort to do anything whether its homework, going to school, going to work, or even waking up in the morning. i dread everyday that is to come and i lost a lot of friends because i strayed away from alot of people.
for the past year i have felt completely numb and empty, like i have nothing left to give. i have no sadness in me and sometimes i might look happy but its just to make people think im fine. im not used to opening up to other people, i usually just listen and give advice. the only actual emotion i feel is anger. when someone does something that annoys me its all i can think about. im only a teenager but i understand feelings and emotions way more than anyone else even if i dont feel anything.
i have always thought about ending my life since i was 11 but i know im way to scared to do it, so i would self injure.
i dont sleep at all and when i do i over sleep. im always tired even if i get good sleep. when i wake up for school in the morning i dont even bother to look presentable. i dont care anymore because i have nothing left to care for.
ive tried talking to my parents but they always say god is the answer, and im not gonna lie, but i used to be a christian and i put so much time into praying and believing and it didnt get me anywhere. if anything it just made everything worse.
please tell me what i should do or if theres anything i can do without anyone else worrying about me.