Older brother dealing with sister’s relationships / partying issues
My (18M) sister (16F) is a party girl. All she ever does is go out, drink, hook up, and she has no interest in stopping this summer. On the bright other hand, I’m very introverted and almost never go to typical high school parties. While I understand that this is a pretty common sibling dynamic, the issue is that her actions make me look like a huge loser in our community, and I have know clue how to either convey how she is hurting me or deal with my internal struggle.
For context, we both go to private schools in a big city, and the sort of “higher” social class people of the area cut themselves off from interacting with anyone else. Basically, while it’s a big city, our community is very much embroiled in gossip and keeping tabs on each other. She goes to an all-girls school, and I attend the all-boys one that are sister-brother schools. Our two schools are effectively one big community with about 230 kids in a given high school grade, and we all know each other. She’s a grade below me, so all the guys in her grade see me everyday, and the all-boys environment means they can be pretty ruthless without fear of consequences since the school is like a frat house where we are all “brothers”. Since I’m both nerdy and play multiple sports, I don’t fit in anywhere. I can’t go with the white jocks who are in country clubs and love to party cause I don’t drink, and the nerds don’t want me because I am white and still play some sports while not being a super genius(My school is about 40% Asian and has a reputation for getting kids into Ivy Leagues and top colleges, but I’m not smart enough for that).
My sister is definitely in one of the more popular groups at her school. She’s a conventionally attractive cheerleader (so she also comes to my school for cheer practice), and is obsessed with how she appears to people. She has no skills, no drive to do anything with her life, and just wants to be the same cushy housewife that my mom is. Every time I ask her about her plans, she is going to a party or hanging out with her group at a vague location. Meanwhile, I have sports or clubs or school work. While I work hard for my grade, she never will. She does have dyslexia, but she never puts any work into school and then complains to our parents, who always side with her.
Our parents have very different styles with us. For me, because I’m the oldest, I always have to be a good boy and do what’s best for the family. They constantly hover over me, and whenever I go out they always have questions. For her, they always take her side and have very low expectations. They claim they don’t want to be “tiger” parents, but they care so little that it’s borderline negligent. About alcohol, my dad (lawyer) won’t ever let us host for fear of parent liability, and finds it weird other parents will host, but then has no problem letting his teenage daughter go to these parties in the sluttiest outfit ever. She is always “spending the night” at some one’s house, waiting until she is just sober enough to drive home or has me pick her up when she smells like a whole bar. For New Year’s Eve, my parents gave her 3 glasses of champagne at a dinner party, and when we went to a football game, they laughed when she took my dad’s beer and chugged it. But when I decline, they make fun of me. I’m very much the black cat in a golden retriever family. My dad was a star athlete at the same high school I now go to, and my mom was a popular girl at hers. The only person in our family who truly loved me for being me was my grandfather, who suddenly passed away 6 months ago.
An example of how differently they treat us is our cars. I understand that I’m extremely lucky to be given a car when I’m 16 and not have to work for it. However, I got my grandma’s 2010 Lexus with hundreds of thousand of miles on it. It’s a great car and I love it, but for her 16th birthday my sis got a 2020 Tesla, a huge difference in value and social status. When I brought up my concerns, my parents wiped it away and painted me as jealous.
Finally, her relationships with guys is terrible. When we went on a family trip with one of my dad’s best friend and his family, she constantly hooked up with their son, who is also 16 and is a star QB at his school 2 hours away from ours. Now, she has a relationship with a childhood friend of mine. This guy and I grew apart over the years, and about a year ago he started talking to my sister. He’s a 2 years older than her and is also a complete waste of a person, with no goals despite being gifted with the ability to attend a nice school and become anything he wanted to. It’s weird because when he comes over, my parents love him like the kid he was when we were 8-10, not how he is now. He’s gone through multiple girlfriends the time he has been hanging out with my sister, and just uses her as his side piece. The worst part is she knows it, and seems to be okay just being a casual hook up with him. It’s ironic, cause she was recently crying about being single while doing things that would drive any sane guy away.
The other night, he picked her up at 9, they went to his house, and she came back at 3 in the morning since she “fell asleep”. This happened when our parents were out of town, and they knew about it. Their only rule was “he can’t come inside the house.” No curfew, no rules, nothing about going over to his place. I work with this guys brother for fucks sake. I have to go to work today with a guy who probably heard them last night.
To sum it up, look at our summer plans. My parents rightfully made me get a job, so I’m working 40+ hrs a week as a busboy while juggling football workouts, being editor in chief of an national award winning yearbook, and being a captain of another sport. On the other hand, she has a few cheer practices and is working 25 hrs a week just 3 weeks at her own school, the rest of the time she is going to party and hang with her friends.
I desperately need advice. My parents are useless, none of my friends have younger sisters, and I have no one to turn to. I have Persistent Depressive Disorder, and this situation is making it severely worse. I’m in a constant state of worry for her safety, more than she is for her own. Maybe I’m a control freak and should mind my own business, but if you have advice it would help tremendously. Thanks and sorry for the long rant.
TLDR: My sister won’t stop partying while it is ruining my social life and mental health.