How to manage these feelings
I’ve been a pretty guarded person for as long as I can remember, due to how I was raised. My mom taught me people won’t care about your problems or will be glad you had them. I’m now 30 and have worked very hard to unlearn that, practice more vulnerability, and lean into that “community” element we all hear about. I have many friendships, with varying degrees of closeness and overall feel blessed at all the people I have in my life.
This weekend was awful. I’ll preface with the fact my husband and I have been going through a separation for the past month. Same household but maintaining space and boundaries, only really communicate about pets and chores. This changed when his grandma was told she was nearing the end of her life. I’ve only disclosed the separation to about 4 friends, which is tough because it went against that guarded part of me.
On Friday, I get T boned in a car accident, first car accident ever too. No major hospital visits, still assessing injuries. Saturday we go across the state to visit and say our final goodbyes to his grandmother because that can’t be pushed back a week. Saturday evening we get into a gigantic argument, stress and adrenaline is high for both of us but I’ve never felt so alone during one of the worst times of my life.
So Sunday I say fuck it, this is what the community I’ve built is for, let me reach out to friends and let them know and ask for that support instead of just expecting it. Most my friends were kind, supportive, they live far but offer if I need money to get around (I decline, it’s not necessary but it’s the thought), referrals, a space to vent.
All except one friend who is literally my neighbor and lives 2 min from me. I initially asked to come over Sunday but she was at the beach which I get. But since then there’s been 1 text Sunday night checking in, no attempts to stop by, no invitation over, no offer of if you need anything or a quick ride I got you. And I’m feeling so disappointed because this is a friend I see weekly, one of the only ones that knows about the separation. She’s minimally busy but doesn’t have a full time job so is available. I’m finding myself bitter, disappointed, and almost angry.
I know I’ll most likely pull away and want to know how best to manage these feelings. I know myself and know I can have high expectations for people. I can be impulsive and feel the need to “communicate “ these disappointments and I don’t think that’s productive in this case. I just feel so hurt and am not sure how to deal.