u/Firm_Education_2934

▲ 2 r/r4r

hello hello! name's ty, and it's nice to meet you! i am both perpetually aware of too much of myself at any given time and fiercely devoted to not allowing that awareness to hold me back. i think from that sentence alone you'll gather that one, i can yap forever about anything and nothing, and two, i am filled with just enough whimsy that makes me do things for the fun of it anyway.

so! who am i? i’m a woman who holds many interests with too little time to explore all of them but loves them all equally anyway. i'm into fashion, faith, food, wine, anime, games, travel, and strange little things that i never mention until it's brought up and i have the opportunity. i'm fairly laid back, unfortunately soft spoken, too deep into my thoughts and honestly very unintentionally funny even though i'm rarely trying. i love good conversation and people who have personalities that stubbornly persist despite the pressure for the opposite. i'm really into music, writing, finding beauty in the stupidest things you can think of and crying about it later, committing myself to never knowing what the issue is with my car, and whatever little niche thought or interest has captured me that week,

if you’re thoughtful, a little witty, kind of deeply unserious and capable of conversation beyond “hey wyd,” we’ll probably get along just fine! if you're someone who likes to laugh at absolutely nothing in the dead of night and lament over the continually depreciating state of apartments at 8am the next morning, we'll get along super fine!

so, considering you're a horror that stubbornly persists anyway...say hi!

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u/Firm_Education_2934 — 2 months ago

hello hello! name's ty, and it's nice to meet you! i am both perpetually aware of too much of myself at any given time and fiercely devoted to not allowing that awareness to hold me back. i think from that sentence alone you'll gather that one, i can yap forever about anything and nothing, and two, i am filled with just enough whimsy that makes me do things for the fun of it anyway.

so! who am i? i’m a woman who holds many interests with too little time to explore all of them but loves them all equally anyway. i'm into fashion, faith, food, wine, anime, games, travel, and strange little things that i never mention until it's brought up and i have the opportunity. i'm fairly laid back, unfortunately soft spoken, too deep into my thoughts and honestly very unintentionally funny even though i'm rarely trying. i love good conversation and people who have personalities that stubbornly persist despite the pressure for the opposite. i'm really into music, writing, finding beauty in the stupidest things you can think of and crying about it later, committing myself to never knowing what the issue is with my car, and whatever little niche thought or interest has captured me that week,

if you’re thoughtful, a little witty, kind of deeply unserious and capable of conversation beyond “hey wyd,” we’ll probably get along just fine! if you're someone who likes to laugh at absolutely nothing in the dead of night and lament over the continually depreciating state of apartments at 8am the next morning, we'll get along super fine!

so just...say hi!

reddit.com
u/Firm_Education_2934 — 2 months ago

i think in dating, and in handling any kind of interpersonal relationship in general, a lot of headache and distress could be avoided if we just identified our non-negotiables and stuck to them. earlier this year there was a 'cut list' trend going around on tiktok, and while i don't subscribe to a lot of what goes on there, honestly? they were onto something with that. because at its core, a cut list is a list of non-negotiables. things you won't compromise on, things that you simply won't stand for, things that are less superficial and more so geared towards weeding out persons who are directly incompatible with the life you are leading or planning to lead. i think it's a solid idea, and i think that if people really sat down and figured out their non negotiables, as a collective a lot of persons would avoid a whole lot of ambiguity, stress, and 'i like him but he's doing x y z which i don't like, does it make sense to still pursue this relationship?'

so, here's my list. maybe it'll give a couple people some ideas, maybe it may spark conversation, maybe it'll irritate someone or another and i'll have a couple very angry men in the comment section calling me everything but a child of God. who knows! but here's my list, in no particular order.

- if you sexualize me from the start, you're cut. does this one need explanation?? why are we doing this? there is so much more that both and i and you will have to offer outside of our bodies. save that bit for marriage. if you're not able to appreciate someone's mind and soul before you entertain their body, you and i truly do not need to have any dealings past hi and goodbye.

- if you're possessive without any proper ownership, you're cut. men who start acting possessive, exclusive, demanding, or entitled to my time before anything has actually been built get ignored, or let down firmly. sometimes both. you can't take things to a 10 when we're barely at a 2. you don't even know me yet and i don't know you, so what are we doing here?? cut!

- if you're passive, you're cut. make no mistake i do not mean quiet guys! i love me a sweet quiet man! a loud, mouthy man does not make him more manly than his quieter counterpart! i mean passive. as in, a guy who is more than content with letting me do all of the work. i initiate conversation, i carry the momentum, i make the plans, i set the tone, i keep everything alive and he just goes "haha cool". no. i love to help! i love to assist! i do not love taking the role of a man because he has no inclination to do so himself. cut!

- if you don't know what you're doing here, you're cut. you're grown, i'm grown. grown folk make decisions. is this to say the moment we start talking the aim is marriage? no! the Lord may very well have different plans for us, and i for one enjoy the whole friends to lovers pipeline. but prolonged ambiguity, mixed signals, vagueness with no movement, or “let’s just see” energy that never matures into anything clearer? c'mon. you're wasting both your time and mine. if you like me, just say it. if you wanna explore dating exclusively, just say it. we can't work towards anything if you're not even honest about it.

- if we're unequally yolked, you're cut. hot take, being unequally yolked does not only mean one person is a christian and the other isn't. the both of us could profess to be christians but your beliefs and spiritual walk is vastly different from mine. does that mean i'm not open to dating guys from different denominations, no! but if our ultimate goal isn't holiness by which no man can enter the kingdom without, then we don't have any relations with each other. my ultimate goal is to make it into heaven, with or without a partner. if your spiritual walk isn't with that goal in mind, to make it into eternity? you're cut. you're donezo!

- if you can't edify me, you're cut. i love to learn. i really do. and i love it most when the guy that i'm into can teach me things. i love when he can inspire me in things that are good. i love when he is holy and he can teach me things about the scripture not just theologically, but genuinely spiritually. when a man is anointed and working in that anointing. i want a guy i can be inspired by. i want someone who i can pour into and be poured into. it's not gonna work out if there is nothing for me to gain spiritually and emotionally from the relationship.

- if you offer no stability, you're cut. this doesn't just mean in the flesh, as in financially and materialistically. i mean, moreso, emotionally. i like butterflies, i like feeling soft, i like being feminine, i like being told and showed that im pretty, i like the experience of getting a crush and falling in love and being liked and being fallen in love with. but the uncertainty and torment that comes with instability isn't something i offer and definitely not something i'll stand for. cut!!!

i've got a couple superficials too. momma's boys, men above the age of 38 or below the age of 23, guys with no source of income and no desire to have one, men who don't take their hygiene seriously, police officers, men in the military, men with no whimsy and perpetually cynical men are all insta cut.

what are your non-negotiables or things on your cut list? do you have anything 'superficial' on it? is there anything on mine you disagree with? i'd love to hear your thoughts on the subject!

EDIT: would say I didn’t expect the amount of male pushback on this as it got but that would be me being dishonest 😅 i do think it’s interesting that while women generally agree, men think differently, and when challenged on the belief it’s revealed that their assumptions are entirely contrary to the point. thank you for your input! i appreciate it a lot :) as always, peace & love to all! 🫶🏼

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u/Firm_Education_2934 — 2 months ago