Hello! This is my basically first day on reddit!! Yippee
So a tiny little bit of information about myself, I am 16/f i will be 17 soon though (On the 7th this month!!) I come from a very academically involved family, my family is also extremely religious. English is not my first language and i am dyslexic so bare with my presumably horrendous writing. I am a single child .
Now on to the main reason i am here, my parents, both of them really, don't come from the best childhood. My mother was orphaned pretty young but she was from a large joined family so she had a pretty average childhood but i am assuming that the death of my grandparents had at least some degree of influence on how she behaves or how she treats me. On the other had my father had it pretty bad, he came from a farmers family with borderline neglectful parents while he also gave much up to secure a better life for his younger sibling (he has three younger siblings)
...that is not why i am here, right sorry
My parents don't abuse me physically and if there is verbal conflict it isn't regular or particularly undeserved most the time. Mostly because they are busy, my father from his childhood climbed up to ranks of respect and money in my state as well as having significant influence over the people as well, my mother has a government job that is very demanding as well specially during certain seasons. I can see and i understand why and how they are the way they are. Both of them are trying to be 'good parents'. but they are failing if i am being blunt.
I don't like them, i love them sure. they are my parents, i have to right? but i don't like them, they are not the kind of people i would ever surround myself with. Both of them don't have proper regulation of emotion and lash out at each other very often. it feels like i am scared every moment both of them are in the same house, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. father and mother have extreme anger issues and there are always threat from my father to hit my mother (to my knowledge there hasn't been any physical violence between those two ever but still) Both of them also don't take accountability for their faults (this is normal to what i know) when they make mistakes, small or large, both of them would rather 1. blame another person, 2. say that they didn't do that, 3. Blame me
I feel guilty that i cant like them. I feel like a disgusted liar that i think i have bad parents, people must have worse right? they aren't alcoholics, they aren't abusive. they might be neglectful but that's only because they are busy if they weren't things would be different. both of them have done some much for me and want to see me succeed. Both of them give me thing i need, i get food, i get cloths, I have a roof over my head, i have a phone, i have a pc. I am ok. but i don't like them. i cant. when they call me to another room all i feel is fear.
Well... this became more of a rant then what i expected, there is a probably more i wanted to say, with my bearings better made i may edit this to be more concise. well i hope i can get some answers, please don't try to sugar coat things i would like to get any answers possible. Nice or not.
Well this was all. I hope you have a great day and an equally as beautiful life