u/Fit-Antelope9475

hello lovelies, im hoping someone can give me insight. I started working with Lucifer about two months ago. I reached out cause i had seen some signs, it started with soft curiosity, i did some research and later on started to see feathers, snakes, skulls, etc. and one of his names 'Samael' came to me before i even knew it was associated with him back in 2023. I also had dreams of four snakes and I saw him holding a golden trident in my minds eye as i was about to fall asleep one night. I made him an alter and i was happy to give offerings. when i approached him, i had told him that i'm really just hoping for companionship. Yesterday he let me know that he doesnt really want offerings from me and even an altar seemed to be optional. He just wants me to 'be real', to be my authentic self. He also tells me that because of my history with mental illness (bipolar), he doesn't want me to overexert myself. The connection should be light, curious and open rather than intense because when i first approached him, i let him know that i had previously been in pyschosis and i was very scared it would happen again.

Here's where the confusion comes in: what kind of connection would this be? what does he gain from it? he once told me that just likes being around. Is this normal? or am i somehow misinterpreting everything? I'm starting to doubt that the signs were signs at all. Right now, i feel that spark that most people feel when they start working with him, the hunger to know him. so its giving me whiplash that he's asking for the complete opposite of intensity and wants me to just chill and take care of myself. i've never heard of that before.

thank you for listening!

I feel like this is such a specific problem, so I hope some of you out there can relate. I'm a maladaptive daydreamer and have been for years now, I started when I was 14, im turning 20. My biggest hurdle when trying to quit is the daydreams. I started heavily smoking when I was 17 and have been ever since, and the reason I smoke so much is to daydream. I'm so incredibly attached to my characters, I love them. And when I'm high (not really high, just 'buzz' high, which is why i smoke so often to keep my tolerance low), it's so much easier to immerse myself in it, the scenarios come to me so easily and i actually FEEL close to them. It's so addicting because when I'm sober, I just can't immerse myself in the same way. Everytime i try to quit, its never about the actual experience of being high, its just about the few minutes i get to spend with my characters. i dont see myself ever stopping my daydreams, so it just makes it hard because ive associated daydreaming with being high so letting go of one feels like letting go of both. anyone relate??