u/Fit-Enthusiasm641

My husband has sexually coerced me three times since I gave birth to our first baby. I’m 21F, he’s 27M, and our baby is 1.5 years old.

The first time was when I was only 4 weeks postpartum. He wanted sex, and he cornered me into it. I told him I was hurting and didn’t want to have sex, but he kept begging and wouldn’t stop pursuing me. Whenever I said no, he would tell me it was because I didn’t love him. He had already been guilt-tripping me about sex since around 3 weeks postpartum.

He would tell me he would stop pursuing me if I just had sex with him. So i tried to have sex with him. I was in so much pain that it felt like a knife was scraping the inside of me. I begged him to stop, and eventually he did. But then he spent the next day telling me that I had only stopped because I didn’t love him. After an entire week of conversations that were basically only about sex and how badly he wanted it, I eventually gave in because I just couldn’t deal with it anymore.
It took me a long time to move on from that. We started fighting about sex constantly, and he never acknowledged that what he did was sexual coercion.

Then, when I was 4 months postpartum, we went on vacation with his parents. Because it was late at night and everywhere was booked, we ended up staying in a room with four beds, all in the same room.

The entire night, my husband kept touching me. I repeatedly told him to stop because his parents were literally sleeping in the same room, and I was extremely uncomfortable. He wouldn’t stop. He then exposed himself and tried to initiate sexual contact despite me repeatedly telling him that I was uncomfortable.

I was extremely upset afterward, and we fought about it for months. He didn’t acknowledge what he had done until the beginning of this year.
I genuinely believed he had changed.

Then a few days ago, my dad had to stay at our apartment because of medical reasons. He was dealing with severe insomnia and was supposed to be hospitalized the next day.

At the same time, our apartment’s pipes broke, so we couldn’t shower for a long time. We were basically wiping ourselves down and using public showers. I told my husband I didn’t want to have sex because I felt uncomfortable and unhygienic, and I also didn’t feel comfortable with my dad staying there.

He still wouldn’t stop.

He kept touching me, forcing my hands onto his penis, rubbing himself against me, and repeatedly asking me to go to the bathroom with him to have sex. I kept telling him I didn’t want to. Eventually, I gave in because I just wanted to fucking sleep.
The more he does things like this, the more physically unattractive he becomes to me. I have so much resentment toward him now. I don’t want to feel this way about my husband, but I do.

I want to divorce him, but our marriage is international, there are immigration/visa complications, I’m the one who sponsored him, I’m taking care of our baby, and I haven’t had my own income because I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for the past two years.
I feel completely trapped.
I don’t even know what I’m looking for by posting this. I think I just need somewhere to say all of this because I can’t say it anywhere else.

I deleted my Reddit account a few days ago because my husband has been going through my phone and checking everything. I use Reddit to vent and destress, and no, my account wasn’t a bot. And I used chatgpt since English isn’t my native language. So thank you so much for your time if you read this far.