u/Fit-Produce7558

Hi Reddit,

My ex broke up with me because of an unexpected situation on the day we were supposed to see each other. It has been more than a month and a half since the breakup, and we have no contact anymore.

I accepted the breakup because, deep down, his happiness mattered more to me than my own, even though it completely destroyed me and caused me terrible pain, to the point where I hurt myself.

After 9 months without speaking, he came back into my life. We slowly started talking again, first as friends. Then he told me very strong things: that I was “the right person for him”, that he finally understood how sincerely I loved him.

And it was true. He was my priority, and my goal was always to make him happy.

Today, we are separated again.

Everything started because of an argument. I stayed very calm, as usual. I simply expressed my needs clearly. When I realized they were not being taken seriously, I needed some distance because I was hurt. It felt like I had no voice. However, I never mentioned breaking up.

He kept calling me constantly. He wanted everything to be fine, as if I should just swallow my pain so it would not affect the relationship. I kept telling him I was not ready, that I was suffering, that some of his behaviors were hurting me, but he minimized it by saying things like:
“You’re overreacting.”
“We always talk about the same thing.”

When he noticed I was becoming distant, he finally sent me:

“I won’t bother you anymore, bye.”

So this is what I deserve after all the sacrifices and efforts I made to build this relationship…

I felt like it was emotional manipulation to make me react. It did not work.

Because in reality, I was the one carrying the pain, accepting difficult things, being patient. And in the end, because I asked for a little space to protect myself emotionally, he turned everything around, made himself the victim, and left me for a second time.

Since this breakup, I have genuinely been trying to rebuild myself in a healthy way.

I’m going to see a psychiatrist soon.
I do journaling to release everything I keep inside my head.
I exercise so I don’t fall into complete emptiness.
I deactivated Instagram because seeing certain things hurt me more than it helped.
I make to-do lists to avoid feeling empty and to keep some structure in my days.

I am doing everything “the right way.”
I fight with myself every single day just to stay standing.

But despite all of this… God, I am in so much pain.

The hardest part is not only the absence. It is the contrast between what he said and what he does now. Someone who comes back saying you are “the right person,” that they understand your love, and then leaves again the moment you ask for time to heal… it creates a kind of pain that is hard to put into words.

I think what destroys me the most is that, in the end, I tried to love in a healthy way: communicating calmly, setting boundaries, asking for space instead of creating more conflict… and despite that, feeling like everything was dismissed so easily.

So yes, I keep moving forward.
One day at a time.

But sometimes the pain feels so heavy that all my efforts to heal seem tiny compared to the emptiness left behind.

And I honestly wonder:
How do you stop loving someone who said they loved you too, but seemed incapable of hearing your pain?

Mon ex et moi on avait rompu il y a un an. La rupture avait été très douloureuse pour moi, au point où je me faisais du mal. Lui avait pris sa décision “à contre cœur” parce qu’il estimait que je ne l’avais pas respecté. Et il était dans une rage terrible. La raison est qu’il avait fait le chemin pour me voir et j’ai eu un impératif médical.
Suite à ça je l’avais bloqué partout après qu’il m’ait quittée et j’ai fini par faire mon deuil.

9 mois plus tard, alors que ce n’est pas du tout son genre de revenir vers quelqu’un, il m’a recontactée avec son compte pro parce qu’il était bloqué sur son WhatsApp normal. C’est quelqu’un de très ferme et honnête, du genre à dire clairement “je n’ai plus de sentiments” quand c’est le cas, donc quand il est revenu je me suis dit que c’était sincère.

On a recommencé à parler doucement, parfois comme des amis, parfois avec des silences, mais ça allait. Puis on s’est remis ensemble. Il m’a même dit qu’il savait que j’étais “la bonne personne pour lui”, et honnêtement je ne pense pas qu’il dirait ça juste pour manipuler ou faire plaisir.

Il avait changé certaines choses que je lui reprochais avant notre première rupture, donc je voyais de vrais efforts. Mais au fil du temps, mes propres besoins n’étaient toujours pas pris en compte. Je lui ai expliqué calmement plusieurs fois que certains comportements me blessaient ou me déplaisaient, sans agressivité, mais il ne changeait rien. J’avais l’impression que seul son fonctionnement comptait. Mes besoins ne comptaient.

Quand j’ai commencé à prendre de la distance pour me protéger, il l’a très mal supporté et il a fini par me dire “bonne continuation”. Je n’ai littéralement pas répondu à son message. J’ai eu besoin de me protéger.

Aujourd’hui je souffre moins que lors de la première rupture. Mais il y a un truc qui me perturbe : après notre première rupture, il avait ajouté des membres de ma famille sur Facebook. Et maintenant, après cette deuxième séparation, il ajoute ma famille sur Instagram.

Je ne comprends pas ce que ça veut dire.
Moi j’aurai tendance justement à ne surtout pas ajouter sa famille ou tenir le lien d’une quelconque manière pour me reconstruire…comment comprendre son attitude ?

Merci