u/Fit-Word-3481

I Know this might sound exaggerated and that maybe it’s “normal”

Ever since I can remember, I’ve felt excluded from my friend groups. I had a lot of experiences like this in school — people I thought were my friends wouldn’t invite me to things (sometimes for random reasons, like one time because a guy started liking me instead of my friend). The same thing happened again in college, except there it was because people made up rumors about me. Those periods affected me deeply and hurt me a lot.

Of course, I’ve also had closer friends throughout my life, but those experiences really marked me. My boyfriend knows all of this.

I’ve never truly felt like I belonged somewhere, even when I did have friends. The only time I didn’t feel excluded was with my childhood friend group. The thing is, most of them are guys and I was basically the only girl (besides one other girl). We were all very close — we traveled together, spent summers together, etc.

The issue is that I met my boyfriend through one of those friends, and before him there was never really this concept of “boys-only hangouts.” But now there is. We don’t hang out as much anymore because when they go out, I usually don’t get invited. I assume it’s because most of them are guys. Sometimes I do get invited, but not often.

My boyfriend says he wants time with “his guy friends” and I completely understand that. I genuinely do. When it comes to his university friends, I don’t care at all if he hangs out with them without me. That’s normal to me.

What hurts is when this happens with MY childhood friends — my core group — and I’m not included because he wants to spend time alone with them.

I don’t know if this makes sense, but they’re my friends too. I’ve even told him that if I said something like, “I want to hang out only with my friends and not with you because I want my own time with them,” it would feel weird since he also became friends with them. He actually told me I had a point.

But I still feel like he thinks that way.

Today my friends were going out and they only texted him, not me. And it brought back every past situation where I felt unwanted or excluded. This whole week I’ve already been feeling sad because I feel like I don’t truly belong anywhere, or like I’m not close enough to anyone. To me, if people don’t invite you, it means they don’t really want you there or you’re not important enough. And I ended up crying.

I’m not trying to be manipulative or dramatic. This is genuinely a wound I carry.

Like I said before, my boyfriend has another friend group from college. They do barbecues and hang out all the time and I don’t expect invitations there — I truly don’t care. But when it comes to MY childhood friends, the people I grew up with, and I’m not invited/included, it hurts deeply.

Something even worse happened on Halloween. He didn’t invite me because it was supposedly a “guys-only hangout” with my childhood friends, but later it turned out that my female childhood friends were going too. The party was really far away, and he only invited me 10 minutes before leaving because he “didn’t know everyone was going.” I don’t know if anyone understands my confusion or feelings here. I honestly think my friends feel more comfortable with him because they’re mostly guys. I’ve always tried to be a good friend. Anyway… thank you for reading.

tl;dr My boyfriend became close with my friend group, and now I often feel excluded from plans with people who used to be my core friends. Because of past experiences with exclusion, this hurts me deeply and brings back old wounds.

know this might sound exaggerated and that maybe it’s “normal,” but I really need to vent.

Ever since I can remember, I’ve felt excluded from my friend groups. I had a lot of experiences like this in school — people I thought were my friends wouldn’t invite me to things (sometimes for random reasons, like one time because a guy started liking me instead of my friend). The same thing happened again in college, except there it was because people made up rumors about me. Those periods affected me deeply and hurt me a lot.

Of course, I’ve also had closer friends throughout my life, but those experiences really marked me. My boyfriend knows all of this.

I’ve never truly felt like I belonged somewhere, even when I did have friends. The only time I didn’t feel excluded was with my childhood friend group. The thing is, most of them are guys and I was basically the only girl (besides one other girl). We were all very close — we traveled together, spent summers together, etc.

The issue is that I met my boyfriend through one of those friends, and before him there was never really this concept of “boys-only hangouts.” But now there is. We don’t hang out as much anymore because when they go out, I usually don’t get invited. I assume it’s because most of them are guys. Sometimes I do get invited, but not often.

My boyfriend says he wants time with “his guy friends” and I completely understand that. I genuinely do. When it comes to his university friends, I don’t care at all if he hangs out with them without me. That’s normal to me.

What hurts is when this happens with MY childhood friends — my core group — and I’m not included because he wants to spend time alone with them.

I don’t know if this makes sense, but they’re my friends too. I’ve even told him that if I said something like, “I want to hang out only with my friends and not with you because I want my own time with them,” it would feel weird since he also became friends with them. He actually told me I had a point.

But I still feel like he thinks that way.

Today my friends were going out and they only texted him, not me. And it brought back every past situation where I felt unwanted or excluded. This whole week I’ve already been feeling sad because I feel like I don’t truly belong anywhere, or like I’m not close enough to anyone. To me, if people don’t invite you, it means they don’t really want you there or you’re not important enough. And I ended up crying.

I’m not trying to be manipulative or dramatic. This is genuinely a wound I carry.

Like I said before, my boyfriend has another friend group from college. They do barbecues and hang out all the time and I don’t expect invitations there — I truly don’t care. But when it comes to MY childhood friends, the people I grew up with, and I’m not invited/included, it hurts deeply.

Something even worse happened on Halloween. He didn’t invite me because it was supposedly a “guys-only hangout” with my childhood friends, but later it turned out that my female childhood friends were going too. The party was really far away, and he only invited me 10 minutes before leaving because he “didn’t know everyone was going.” I don’t know if anyone understands my confusion or feelings here. I honestly think my friends feel more comfortable with him because they’re mostly guys. I’ve always tried to be a good friend. Anyway… thank you for reading.

tl;dr My boyfriend became close with my friend group, and now I often feel excluded from plans with people who used to be my core friends. Because of past experiences with exclusion, this hurts me deeply and brings back old wounds.

know this might sound exaggerated and that maybe it’s “normal,” but I really need to vent.

Ever since I can remember, I’ve felt excluded from my friend groups. I had a lot of experiences like this in school — people I thought were my friends wouldn’t invite me to things (sometimes for random reasons, like one time because a guy started liking me instead of my friend). The same thing happened again in college, except there it was because people made up rumors about me. Those periods affected me deeply and hurt me a lot.

Of course, I’ve also had closer friends throughout my life, but those experiences really marked me. My boyfriend knows all of this.

I’ve never truly felt like I belonged somewhere, even when I did have friends. The only time I didn’t feel excluded was with my childhood friend group. The thing is, most of them are guys and I was basically the only girl (besides one other girl). We were all very close — we traveled together, spent summers together, etc.

The issue is that I met my boyfriend through one of those friends, and before him there was never really this concept of “boys-only hangouts.” But now there is. We don’t hang out as much anymore because when they go out, I usually don’t get invited. I assume it’s because most of them are guys. Sometimes I do get invited, but not often.

My boyfriend says he wants time with “his guy friends” and I completely understand that. I genuinely do. When it comes to his university friends, I don’t care at all if he hangs out with them without me. That’s normal to me.

What hurts is when this happens with MY childhood friends — my core group — and I’m not included because he wants to spend time alone with them.

I don’t know if this makes sense, but they’re my friends too. I’ve even told him that if I said something like, “I want to hang out only with my friends and not with you because I want my own time with them,” it would feel weird since he also became friends with them. He actually told me I had a point.

But I still feel like he thinks that way.

Today my friends were going out and they only texted him, not me. And it brought back every past situation where I felt unwanted or excluded. This whole week I’ve already been feeling sad because I feel like I don’t truly belong anywhere, or like I’m not close enough to anyone. To me, if people don’t invite you, it means they don’t really want you there or you’re not important enough. And I ended up crying.

I’m not trying to be manipulative or dramatic. This is genuinely a wound I carry.

Like I said before, my boyfriend has another friend group from college. They do barbecues and hang out all the time and I don’t expect invitations there — I truly don’t care. But when it comes to MY childhood friends, the people I grew up with, and I’m not invited/included, it hurts deeply.

Something even worse happened on Halloween. He didn’t invite me because it was supposedly a “guys-only hangout” with my childhood friends, but later it turned out that my female childhood friends were going too. The party was really far away, and he only invited me 10 minutes before leaving because he “didn’t know everyone was going.” I don’t know if anyone understands my confusion or feelings here. I honestly think my friends feel more comfortable with him because they’re mostly guys. I’ve always tried to be a good friend. Anyway… thank you for reading.

tl;dr My boyfriend became close with my friend group, and now I often feel excluded from plans with people who used to be my core friends. Because of past experiences with exclusion, this hurts me deeply and brings back old wounds.

know this might sound exaggerated and that maybe it’s “normal,” but I really need to vent.

Ever since I can remember, I’ve felt excluded from my friend groups. I had a lot of experiences like this in school — people I thought were my friends wouldn’t invite me to things (sometimes for random reasons, like one time because a guy started liking me instead of my friend). The same thing happened again in college, except there it was because people made up rumors about me. Those periods affected me deeply and hurt me a lot.

Of course, I’ve also had closer friends throughout my life, but those experiences really marked me. My boyfriend knows all of this.

I’ve never truly felt like I belonged somewhere, even when I did have friends. The only time I didn’t feel excluded was with my childhood friend group. The thing is, most of them are guys and I was basically the only girl (besides one other girl). We were all very close — we traveled together, spent summers together, etc.

The issue is that I met my boyfriend through one of those friends, and before him there was never really this concept of “boys-only hangouts.” But now there is. We don’t hang out as much anymore because when they go out, I usually don’t get invited. I assume it’s because most of them are guys. Sometimes I do get invited, but not often.

My boyfriend says he wants time with “his guy friends” and I completely understand that. I genuinely do. When it comes to his university friends, I don’t care at all if he hangs out with them without me. That’s normal to me.

What hurts is when this happens with MY childhood friends — my core group — and I’m not included because he wants to spend time alone with them.

I don’t know if this makes sense, but they’re my friends too. I’ve even told him that if I said something like, “I want to hang out only with my friends and not with you because I want my own time with them,” it would feel weird since he also became friends with them. He actually told me I had a point.

But I still feel like he thinks that way.

Today my friends were going out and they only texted him, not me. And it brought back every past situation where I felt unwanted or excluded. This whole week I’ve already been feeling sad because I feel like I don’t truly belong anywhere, or like I’m not close enough to anyone. To me, if people don’t invite you, it means they don’t really want you there or you’re not important enough. And I ended up crying.

I’m not trying to be manipulative or dramatic. This is genuinely a wound I carry.

Like I said before, my boyfriend has another friend group from college. They do barbecues and hang out all the time and I don’t expect invitations there — I truly don’t care. But when it comes to MY childhood friends, the people I grew up with, and I’m not invited/included, it hurts deeply.

Something even worse happened on Halloween. He didn’t invite me because it was supposedly a “guys-only hangout” with my childhood friends, but later it turned out that my female childhood friends were going too. The party was really far away, and he only invited me 10 minutes before leaving because he “didn’t know everyone was going.” I don’t know if anyone understands my confusion or feelings here. I honestly think my friends feel more comfortable with him because they’re mostly guys. I’ve always tried to be a good friend. Anyway… thank you for reading.

tl;dr My boyfriend became close with my friend group, and now I often feel excluded from plans with people who used to be my core friends. Because of past experiences with exclusion, this hurts me deeply and brings back old wounds.