u/Fit-Yesterday-7252

(20F) Since a few years ago, l've loved being pushed to the point of breaking down while having sex. I love the psychological play of my feelings during it. I find it so so hot when people mock me during sex or call me stupid or gross. I just think the idea of a person being mean to me, sexually, is so insanely hot.

I think it's the concept of being belittled and being broken down into submission. If I were to cry I fantasize about somebody wiping my tears gently while they keep going and then telling me to say sorry even though they're the ones hurting me.

Writing this out makes me feel like a perv wtf.
But can anyone that relates or understands help me out please. Why do I think like this? Surely there has to be scientific reason for this. :(

consensual btw!!

(20F) I noticed that I found manipulative and emotionally abusive people sexually attractive when I was maybe 16 and I want to know why or how to stop it.

I don’t find them good romantic partners obviously… but the idea of knowing they are manipulating me into doing what they want me to do makes my brain all fuzzy. It makes me crave more and more and I know it’s bad. I did go through emotional and physical abuse like that growing up from the people around me and by romantic partners that I have had and I want to know why something that traumatized me so much is now something that I yearn for.

I like being threatened or guilt tripped into doing something that sexually gratifies said scary people and a good example of this would be Jacob Elordi in Wurthuring Heights, specifically the scene with him, as heathcliff, and isabella in the bedroom where he climbs in through her window. Something about that whole interaction unleashed an intense feeling in me and I was so scared but turned on and i’m not even a huge jacob fan. The character he played was a perfect example of the love and lustrous connection that I crave for, knowing that it is unhealthy.

I do want to stop feeling this way because it makes me feel so gross and guilty for loving it so much. I need some advice or any helpful tips.

This is the scene I am referring to btw.

https://x.com/guadagninocore/status/2039100366185202167?s=46&t=T8Hk0kgmLSTdf7OptaNNPg