u/Fit_Cap_6650

OK, im 41F and feel like i have no life. I've been with my partner 41M for 25 years in July. We have been together since we were 16 and had our daughter at 18, she's 23 now. I was mainly a stay at home mom now I guess a "housewife". Our daughter doesn't need much anymore she still lives with us but has a full time job. My partner in the last year and a half has changed. It started in 2024 around the time he lost his dad and grandfather in the same day. He only ever wants to go out with his friends who are mostly new some hes had for a while. He goes to the bar sometimes multiple times a week and stays out most of the night until between 2 to 5am. He doesn't seem to care about our relationship like i do anymore. He's never been a affectionate person and that was ok when we were solid now I feel helpless alot of the time. My only friends are spouses of his friends. Basically I don't know how to find myself. It doesn't help that I have some health issues that make me very tired and un motivated all the time. I have a very hard time even getting myself to want to do anything. How do I find what makes me happy that doesnt revolve around him? I need to find a way to loving myself and life again. Also we live in a very small town with not much to do here. I also have major social anxiety so it's hard to put myself out there. I just feel very stuck right now and that I can't rely on my relationship anymore.

Ok, so I need advice. I've been with partner for 25 years since we were 16. I'm 41f he's 41m. He was my first everything. We had a daughter at 18 who's almost 24 now. He's always been a non affectionate person and has a very hard time saying I love you but our relationship was always solid so I managed without those things fine. Around a a year and a half ago things started to change. He has become even more distant, all of a sudden has tons of new friends and goes to the bar multiple times a week, we have never been bar people. He'll stay out most of the night even after the bar closes and hang out until 3, 4 even 5am. Will never give me a timeline. I'll cook him dinner but sometimes he's in such a rush to get to bar he just leaves. I'm not a drinker at all so I choose not to go, I don't find it fun to be sober watching everyone get drunk and he pretty much ignores me anyway when im there. Also I was a stay at home mom and still am a "house wife" I have no job skills i dropped out of high school because I was dumb when I got pregnant. I have very limited friends mainly his friends spouses due to him running most of them off when we were young. This isn't a bashing post BTW, I love him more than anything our relationship was always so solid. Idk what has happened in the last couple years. Our only real argument is him always going out and I've even amended my argument to at least ask him to leave when the bar closes, that still rarely happens. He has told me he doesn't fully know if he wants this anymore and that I'd have no problem finding someone else. That is not what I want. I just want him and dont understand why he's willing to lose what we've put 25 years into. He's completely miserable at home always making comments about how he hates his life and hates it here. I just don't know what to do to try and bring things back to how they were. He won't tell me what's changed or how to fix anything, I've begged him to explain his feeling and he won't or can't. Probably worth noting another point of contention is that he thinks affection and showing how you feel is all sex but for me I can't get to that point when I feel so discarded and not important I've tried but it's hard to want that at this point and I've explained that to him but he doesn't understand. Sometimes I feel that's all he wants from me. So needless to say I've been struggling, he's been my world for 25 years and he seems like he could take me or leave me. How can I try to fix this and put things back on track? Could this be a midlife crisis thing? I would appreciate any and all advice and please don't just tell me to leave him. We have a huge history together and I'd rather work to fix it than throw it in the garbage unless of course he point blank says it's over, I would have a hard time with it but I wouldn't force myself on him.