u/Fit_Currency5521

After spending 6 months in panic, OCD, PTSD, anxiety and insomnia, and barely leaving the house in three months because of anxiety, I decided to get on Lexapro (escitalopram) 35 days ago.

Yesterday, for the first time in a month and a half I mustered the courage to hop on my stationary bike, despite my previous cardiophobia. I cycled for 1h30min in total. Afterwards I took a shower and brushed my teeth, which I hadn't done in quite a while.

This morning I cycled for one hour total, went to the bakery by myself on my motorcycle, and now I am even thinking about hitting the gym!

Some of you may ask: "Why is he talking about cycling, showering, and going to the bakery as wins?"

Because for those of us with chronic anxiety and panic, those are massive hills to climb. Just brushing your teeth is a win.

For anyone wondering about my dosage, I started with 5mg and then increased by 1mg drops each week for 5 weeks. Today I have been on 10mg for 8 days.

Will continue to post updates. I'm seeing if I muster the courage to hit the gym today.

Ever since I started taking ashwagandha, which was two months ago, I pace around the house immediately after waking up. I did not have this before.

Before I would wake up and stay in bed and do pleasurable, but now I have to pace because I feel such a strong urge (it's not akathisia though).

I stopped ashwagandha cold turkey 15 days into taking it because of a massive spike in my TSH, while T4 and T3 remained normal.

The pacing has continued, even though I have been off of it for one month and a half.

I have purchased both a bottle of KSM-66 300mg and Ashwaganda powder 500mg. If I take 300mg of KSM-66 before bed I can't sleep, but it I take 500mg of Ashwaganda powder before bed I sleep well. The Ashwaganda powder also keeps me calm and has anti-anxiety effects, where I feel less overwhelmed and more relaxed. I take 500mg in the morning and 500mg before bed. After months of anxiety that was making me suicidal I am finally at ease, I am able to go out of the house and get things done, take care of myself, and even work.

This has been a rough year for me. Over the last four months, I have struggled with insomnia, anxiety, and depression. On top of that, problems appeared to barrage me wave upon wave. Urinary infection, gastritis, nausea, headache, influenza, spiritual dryness, and satanic assaults from the devil. It got to the point where I was suicidal, and started considering taking myself out. However I never rebelled against the Lord, and never stopped praying. Over the past 120 days I have prayed every day, without skipping any.

I gave time to time, and allowed myself to lay low and heal. Finally, two days ago I started feeling joy. I took a shower, put on a good fragrance, went out with my friend and drank a beer for the first time in 6 months. Today again, I woke up feeling joy. I'm feeling light and at ease. No depression, no sickness. I'm enjoying life and don't wanna take myself out. Will it last forever? No, but it is a gift of God.

I felt it was my duty to share that the fog does lift, and the darkness does go away. Keep praying, obey the Lord, but do not neglect medicine, nutrition and science, for those too are means which God uses to heal.

Long story short, I ruined my nervous system with anabolic steroids and cocaine use. And now, for four years, I have been dealing with jaw clenching, nerve buzzing, chewing involuntarily, insomnia, hand and feet tapping, inability to feel relaxed, general unease.

Every day is a struggle. I wake up and I think: "I cannot take 50 more years of this". I have been wanting for the Lord to take me. I cannot envision a future for myself. It appears I have ruined everything.

But I also knows this is where Jesus specializes and he is the greatest at bringing people from hopelessness into joy.

Is there any promise in the Bible that says I will have a normal life one day, meaning not suffer with the problems I listed?

I understand the Bible said the followers of Christ would face hardships, but I think it meant more persecution and struggle than physical illness.

I suffer from nerve buzzing, jaw clenching, chewing, eye spasms, insomnia, phosphenes (colorful visual artifacts with the eyes closed), and I think it's all related to an overactive CNS. It has been four years since I'm in this state, so it is something chronic.

Diazepam, Clonazepam and antihistamines have no effect on me at all. What could cause this?

I have tried B vitamins, Ashwaganda, meditation, magnesium, sunlight exposure, breathing, fasting, cold showers, and Lexapro, but nothing seems to fix the issue.

Is there some vitamin/mineral panel that I could have measured?

I just wanted to have my life back. Any help is appreciated.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBTI-I) consists of trying to build 'sleep pressure' by means of reducing the non-sleep time you stay in bed to less than 10%, and also having a fixed wake up time regardless of how many hours you sleep.

Before CBT-I, I would spend up to 14 hours in bed daily, trying to sleep, but only getting fragmented, light sleep, tossing and turning, and being frustrated. In my very first night of doing CBT-I, I got 4 hours of rock solid, deep sleep, then got out of bed and went about my day. I spent the whole day awake, fighting sleepiness (I had nothing to do, so I spent some time on my phone in bed. I was in bed, but I was not trying to sleep, and this is crucial). The next night I got a full 5 hours of sleep! For true insomniacs, this is solid gold.

Once insomniacs finally get to have some sleep, we have a tendency to overdo it. The key to breaking the cycle is cutting sleep short when it goes over your scheduled sleep time (for me, I set 8 hours. 00:00 - 08:00), and also getting out of bed when you can't sleep, and not trying to force it.

This is my attempt at an explanation, but I really recommend you Google CBT-I and follow what's in there.

Anyone who calls themselves a cessationist and says the gifts of the Spirit ceased with the Apostles is doing one thing only: declaring to the world that they do not have the Spirit. Because anyone who is filled with the Spirit knows the gifts of the Spirit (word of wisdom, the word of knowledge, faith, healing, miraculous powers, prophecy, distinguishing between spirits, speaking in tongues and interpretation of tongues) are more active then ever!

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We are living a charismatic revival worldwide and the Spirit is more fervent and alive than it has been since Pentecost. But if our experience and testimony isn't enough, scripture says:

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The gifts of the Spirit will cease when we see Christ face to face—specifically, at His return and the arrival of the perfect eternal state.

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The key passage is 1 Corinthians 13:8-10:

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"Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears."

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Paul compares our current state to childhood and seeing a "reflection in a mirror" (v. 11-12). The "completeness" (or "perfection") arrives when we see "face to face" and know fully as we are fully known—a clear reference to the glorious return of Christ and the new creation (1 John 3:2).

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The "perfect" refers to Christ's second coming. Thus, all spiritual gifts continue until that future day.