Every man I ever talk to “isn’t ready for a relationship”
This has happened to me 4 times now and just happened again recently. I’m 23 years old and have never been in a relationship, i never get past the talking stage. I only just had my first kiss 3 weeks ago. I don’t seek out relationships by any means, but every once in a blue moon I will naturally meet someone and if we hit it off I will feel it out.
I recently met a guy at a friend’s party, we spent the whole night talking on the balcony. He ended up kissing me and we exchanged numbers. We had been talking everyday for 3 weeks, things were going great. It was long distance so that was a hurdle, but we had both decided it was worth a try to at least see where it could go. I told him I didn’t want a relationship immediately, but if things go well I’d eventually want that. He told me he also wanted to take our time and see where it went. We had so much chemistry, it seemed like we were both equally attracted and interested. Then yesterday I woke up to a message saying he has some baggage he needs to work through from his last relationship and he didn’t want to lead me on.
Don’t get me wrong I appreciate him being honest as opposed to ghosting me. Its just so confusing because he told me “I don’t want to cut it off, but I have to” and “I really like you and want something genuine, but I need to work on myself” just so much contradiction. I can’t lie, even though we only talked for 3 weeks I really fucking liked this guy. From what I had learned in 3 weeks he ticked every single box of mine, he was so sweet and encouraging. Constantly reminding me that he likes me a lot and he made me feel comfortable in my boundaries. I guess in my mind, if you have baggage from a past relationship, you should talk about it with your potential partner, but he doesn’t seem like he wants to be super vulnerable. Which is fine, I don’t wanna be with a man who can’t be vulnerable anyways.
It’s just so hard to go to sleep one night with a text saying “goodnight :) I can’t wait until we get to see each other again” and the next morning waking up to him saying he needs to cut things off. I can’t help but hope he thinks about it for some time and comes back to me, but I’m sure he will pop out with a girlfriend in a month like other men have done in the past. I’m just so frustrated right now, I was so excited to maybe have something good in my life and now it’s back to my boring life. I see my girlfriends, and peers from school getting into what seems to be happy relationships, getting married, having kids etc. and all I can seem to do is attract men who have too much baggage to offer me anything.
I want to be loved so bad, I want to love someone too. I’ve always wanted that. Yet every time I feel like I may be ready the guy im interested in isn’t. I’m tired of this cycle. I thought “wow finally a guy who wants me and is willing to make things work” and according to him he does want me, he just doesn’t think he can be enough for me. I’m sick of men telling me what is enough for me, he had done nothing wrong, but got in his head about things.