u/Fit_Reserve_6865

I’m a male in my late 20s, and I think I’m finally done with the whole matrimonial search.

I’ve been trying for a while now, but at this point I’m just tired. I’m a pretty reserved and shy person, so approaching a girl in real life has never really been my thing. I’m also not someone who is good at casual flirting, dating apps, or talking to someone for months without knowing where it’s actually going.

That’s actually one of the reasons I chose matrimonial platforms in the first place. I liked the fact that the intention is clear from the beginning. You talk, get to know each other, and if things work out, you take it forward. There’s less of the usual guessing, flirting, or timepass. I thought that would suit someone like me better.

But honestly, online matrimonial comes with its own set of problems.

I’m just an average guy working a private job with an average income, and sometimes it feels like that simply isn’t enough for the expectations on matrimonial platforms. What makes it more frustrating is that even when I come across profiles where almost every basic criteria seems to match, things still end in rejection. I’ve talked to a few proposals, had some good conversations, and even felt like things might actually go somewhere. But eventually, everything just ended without any clear reason.

After a while, you start questioning yourself. Was it my looks? My income? My personality? Did I say something wrong? Or was there just no interest from the other side?

I also can't help but feel that things would have been very different if I had a Grade A government job or a much higher income. Maybe the same person I am today would suddenly become a much more acceptable proposal. I know that’s probably not the only factor, but it’s hard not to think about it after going through this repeatedly.

And honestly, I’m just tired of putting myself through it.

Maybe I should have figured this out earlier and focused more on preparing for a good government job. Maybe things would have been different. But there’s no point thinking about what I could have done years ago.

So I think I’m going to stop actively looking now. Whatever happens, happens. If someone comes into my life naturally, I’ll see where it goes. Otherwise, I’ll just accept it and move on with my life.

I know this probably sounds a bit pessimistic, but right now I just needed to get it off my chest.

I’m a male in my late 20s from Kerala, and I think I’m finally done with the whole matrimonial search.

I’ve been trying for a while now, but at this point I’m just tired. I’m a pretty reserved and shy person, so approaching a girl in real life has never really been my thing. I’m also not someone who is good at casual flirting, dating apps, or talking to someone for months without knowing where it’s actually going.

That’s actually one of the reasons I chose matrimonial platforms in the first place. I liked the fact that the intention is clear from the beginning. You talk, get to know each other, and if things work out, you take it forward. There’s less of the usual guessing, flirting, or timepass. I thought that would suit someone like me better.

But honestly, online matrimonial comes with its own set of problems.

I’m just an average guy working a private job with an average income, and sometimes it feels like that simply isn’t enough for the expectations on matrimonial platforms. What makes it more frustrating is that even when I come across profiles where almost every basic criteria seems to match, things still end in rejection. I’ve talked to a few proposals, had some good conversations, and even felt like things might actually go somewhere. But eventually, everything just ended without any clear reason.

After a while, you start questioning yourself. Was it my looks? My income? My personality? Did I say something wrong? Or was there just no interest from the other side?

I also can't help but feel that things would have been very different if I had a Grade A government job or a much higher income. Maybe the same person I am today would suddenly become a much more acceptable proposal. I know that’s probably not the only factor, but it’s hard not to think about it after going through this repeatedly.

And honestly, I’m just tired of putting myself through it.

Maybe I should have figured this out earlier and focused more on preparing for a good government job. Maybe things would have been different. But there’s no point thinking about what I could have done years ago.

So I think I’m going to stop actively looking now. Whatever happens, happens. If someone comes into my life naturally, I’ll see where it goes. Otherwise, I’ll just accept it and move on with my life.

I know this probably sounds a bit pessimistic, but right now I just needed to get it off my chest.

I'm a Malayalee, born in Kerala but brought up in North India. So I'm basically a North Indian Malayalee. I can speak Malayalam, but I can't read or write it. Even when I speak, it's not as fluent or natural as someone who grew up in Kerala. I also don't get a lot of movie references or inside jokes that people here casually make.

I'm currently going through the arranged marriage process through online matrimony.

I've matched with around 3-4 girls who were born and brought up in Kerala. Things didn't work out because they felt I wasn't the right fit. From what I understood, they were looking for someone who grew up here, speaks Malayalam effortlessly, and can connect with them culturally. I don't blame them, but it did make me feel like I wasn't enough. I also felt like I couldn't hold conversations in Malayalam the way someone raised here can.

After that, I thought maybe I should look for someone with a similar background to mine. I matched with one girl who was also brought up outside Kerala. We got along well, and I even opened up to her in ways I never had before. But in the end, that didn't work out either.

Now, last week I matched with another girl. She's completely brought up in Kerala. She speaks only Malayalam. She understands Hindi because she watches Hindi movies, but she doesn't really speak it.

We've had a few conversations, and she genuinely seems simple and kind. Because of my previous experiences, I kept thinking she'd probably reject me too. So I asked her directly if she felt I wasn't a good fit because of my Malayalam or background.

She said she actually hasn't felt that way at all. She's comfortable continuing to talk and wants to meet before making any decision. That honestly surprised me because all the previous girls had already rejected me after phone calls without even meeting me.

I genuinely want to continue getting to know her. But there's still this small voice in my head that keeps asking... even if things work out now, will I be able to keep her happy in the long run? Will the language and cultural gap become a problem later? Will I be able to express my feelings the way she deserves? Or am I just overthinking because of my previous rejections?

Has anyone here been in a similar situation? Either as someone brought up outside Kerala or someone who married a person with a different upbringing?

I'd really appreciate honest opinions from both sides. If you think I'm overthinking, tell me. If you think there are things I should consider before moving forward, I'd like to hear those too.