u/Fitzftw7

I’ve noticed Dead Space 3 has had a good deal of defenders lately, so since I had just got done replaying all the games in the franchise that are actually *good*, I thought I may as well play 3 while I’m at it.

I didn’t have fun.

First thing I noticed is that the combat is clearly balanced around co-op play. Not only are you constantly being surrounded on all sides, but the game throws far more enemies at you at once than they do in the other games.

Your best defense against these numbers, stasis, has been *heavily* nerfed. It lasts a fraction as long and doesn’t slow enemies as much as it used to. Use it on a necromorph that’s close, and chances are its attack will still connect. Giving us more stasis packs than we know what to do with doesn’t fix the fundamental problem that stasis sucks, even when upgraded.

You would think that the new dodge roll would alleviate the problem with these more numerous, more mobile enemies as well, but no. You don’t get any I-frames, and the distance is pathetic, so, more often than not, you’re going to eat a hit anyways.

On Impossible, at least, experimentation was highly discouraged, since there was so little ammo to go around. You need something reliable like the Planet Cracker Plasma Cutter early on, which you can’t put a bottom tool on without losing the rotator cuff module forever, so that effectively limits you to 1 weapon slot, half of which you’ll pretty much need to be a force gun or shotgun for crowd control.

I have no clue if all these other weapons are any good because I’m never in a good position to try them out.

Not to mention the whole weapon crafting system reeks of EA’s disgusting greed. Even all these years later the microtransactions and DLC are staring me in the face. The scarcity of tungsten in the early game is obvious bait.

The power node system was infinitely superior to the upgrade chip system.

The side missions feel more like filler than actual quests, highlighted by the fact that they lazily re-use rooms from the main story.

And the enemies. All of the new ones are just awful. They don’t lean into the dismemberment mechanic at all, and they’re just bullet sponges. The guys with the ice picks that spawn tentacles? Annoying as shit. The ones that operate like the pack from DS2 but about 5x more durable with that god-awful lunge attack? The absolute worst. And it feels like I’m fighting these knobjobs more often than slashers.

So the game went from horror to action while making the action worse.

And the story… my God, the story. Even ignoring Awakened, which made literally the entire franchise pointless, DS3 is so poorly written, with so much poor characterization and so many contrived writing decisions made to move the plot forward I’m amazed the
script didn’t get a second pass before recording.

Why is Norton acting the jealous boyfriend when literally all of humanity is at stake? Can’t be the marker, because he’s like this well before exposure. Why is Ellie even dating him in the first place when he doesn’t have a single redeeming quality? (Seriously, I was actively looking for things to like about him, but he’s childish, incompetent, cowardly, and idiotic). Why is Ellie useless now? Why isn’t she wearing armor or survival gear?

Why did Norton think Danik, who systemically destroyed the entire military he worked for, would honor the deal he tried to make with him? Why didn’t Isaac and Carver clearly explain to Ellie that Norton sold them out and had left them for dead beforehand and then tried to kill them, even after Isaac saved his life despite having no reason to do so? Why does Ellie accuse Isaac of sabotaging the mission when he is literally the only reason they made it this far? Why does Ellie seemingly forget about Norton and start getting lovey-dovey with Isaac again about 20 minutes after this?

Why did they let Buckel freeze to death when there was a generator 50 feet away from them? Why did Santos waste time fiddling around with her backpack on the elevator she was terrified to be on? Why didn’t she jump out of it towards Isaac once it was attacked? Why didn’t Carver or Isaac use stasis on it?

How did Ellie survive being engulfed in noxious gas and flames? She claimed to have climbed into a tube, but she was *surrounded*.

Why did Carver give the Codex to Danik when Isaac clearly explained all of humanity was fucked if they did? Why didn’t he just shoot Danik in the head either while he was holding Ellie hostage or immediately after he let go of Ellie?

You guys see what I’m getting at, here? The fact I can even point out these many problems with the narrative means something was very wrong with this game from the outset. It doesn’t do a single thing better, or even as well, as the other entries in the series. It’s just a mediocre action game with a *disastrously* poor narrative that is supposed to act as the conclusion to an otherwise great franchise.

Perhaps it’s more fun in co-op, but even bad games are more fun with a friend.

I give it a 3/10. A really bad game. If it wasn’t a Dead Space game, it might’ve gotten a 4 or even a 5, but its association with such a good series brings it down hard.

1: The Janitor- Willy’s Wonderland

He never speaks a single word throughout the entire film, yet we very quickly get a sense for the goofiness and odd sense of priorities that betray his otherwise serious and stoic demeanor.

He made a deal to clean an abandoned restaurant in exchange for getting his car repaired. What does he do when he realizes he’s been tricked into being fed to evil Satanic animatronics and kills one with nothing but a broomstick? He puts on a clean shirt and goes right back to cleaning.

What happens when his watch alarm rings when he’s getting ready to square off against another animatronic? He sheepishly hands the much, *much* less qualified girl next to her a knife and goes to take his scheduled break.

What about when he is restrained at gunpoint by the corrupt local sheriff after 5 teenagers have been killed? He defeats 2 more animatronics *while* cuffed, breaks out of his restraints, respectfully gathered and covers the remains of the kids, and proceeds to take another break, complete with a pinball dance party.

2: The Doom Slayer- Doom

A much more subdued example compared to The Janitor, but still very much there. After waking from a demon trap and donning his Praetor Suit, the Doom Slayer receives a call from Samuel Hayden proposing an alliance. Before he gets a chance to finish a sentence, DS pushes the monitor away, as if to say “spare me the context, imma kill demons.”

A moment later, Hayden reaches out again in an elevator, trying to justify his company’s efforts to harvest Hell’s energy for the good of humanity. DS looks towards a mutilated corpse, visibly shakes in anger, and smashes the intercom.

He also gives the collectible of himself a fist bump, complete with the finger dance after breaking away, and in Doom Eternal, he walks up to a clearly scared shitless scientist, and gently drags him over by the keycard he’s wearing around his neck in order to use said card to open a door. Then, when a guard tries to stop him and then hesitates realizing who he is, DS casually steals his plasma rifle and gets to work.

My best description of him? Angry troll.