23f looking to answer some questions to offer insight into living with trauma from childhood to adulthood. I’m okay and healing every day.
you can ask your interesting questions!
I’ve experienced all of them - literally
It’s dry and it started off almost pimple like with dry skin
Tw: ABUSE - every form
am 23 years old and I’ve been abused for 22 years
I was born into probably one of the unluckiest scenarios. I had my dad hitting my mum then they split. My dad also briefly abused my sister as a child who was 2 years older. My mum abused my siblings and I physically and emotionally. She would hit us with various items around the house as children and I remember us all scared and running to hide when she was angry. Hiding behind door - locking ourselves in the toilet. However she wouldn’t stop until she hit all of us. the abuse continued for many years and into adulthood. I remember being 5 and my siblings were 3 & 2 - My mum heated up a spoon so that she could put it on our lips because we annoyed her with something we said. Around that time she also hit my head with a frying pan and I had a lump on my head and I said “don’t worry mum if any of the teachers ask I’ll tell them you did it by accident and you didn’t mean it” I was trying to protect her at a young age. She didn’t stop hitting me, this last time she hit me was July 2025. I moved out for university and came back thinking everything was resolved and wanted to be at home with family but I couldn’t stay after that.
As a child I was SA’d various times. At 5,6 and 9 repeatedly by many different people. Mostly other family members or family friends. I told my mum who didn’t do anything about it. My mum often left for random periods at a time and neglected us to go abroad. Sometimes she left us with her friends who hated us being there and when we were a bit older as teens we were left alone having to navigate life by ourselves for around 6 months -all of us under 18. But there was relief because I wouldn’t get hit. My dad came back into my life and abused me at 14 - he tried to control my sisters and I and had weird conversations about us keeping over virginity and I felt freaked out and violated because who are you to be saying this?
When I was 9-10 my mum took my sisters and I to Norway during the Christmas break to see her partner that we didn’t know. We didn’t want to go but we had to go to this cabin and they stayed in the bedroom all day - obviously having sex while we all gathered around one laptop to watch something and pretend none of it was happening. My mum then had a child with said partner and he was still living abroad so she endured the pregnancy by herself and took it out on us by this point we were hit almost everyday. We were shouted at if the house was messy - the oldest of us was 12 and we were constantly verbally abused as well as physically. We felt frightened and stuck and she would scream at us and say “IM PREGNANT!!” As if we were responsible. My mum shouted a lot and her voice became a trigger even when she was talking. Footsteps at home became a trigger because we didn’t know she was coming.
She would get random people to live with us at time with no warning for months they would stay and they crossed all of our boundaries. During Covid my mum got a new partner in the house and he slept in the living room and we had no space to be apart from our beds and I began to bedrot and struggle to get out of bed because nowhere in the house felt safe and we dint know her partner so it felt like there was a strange man in the house with us at all times. Which was triggering because I had been SA’d for many years. One time my mum during that time was so frustrated she woke me up by hitting me in my sleep. So I never felt safe sleeping at home. I was 17.
When I was 20 my mum sent me abroad after coercing me to take part in a forced marriage for her financial gain. This was so that someone could get citizenship. I didn’t want to and I was frightened to fly and I had university assignments however I had to do it because she already promised this person she would and made it sound like it would be a nice get away for me. I felt maybe I did. This it would repair our relationship. I got very ill abroad and got food poisoning. I was shaking and crying and my anxiety was through the roof. I was there for two entire weeks. The flight was 8 hours each way and at the time I had severe flight anxiety. The forced marriage fell through due to lack of correlation between answers so that was relief for me
At 22 I was sexually assaulted April last year and a man flashed me in the park when I was sitting in the park - I was dismissed by my mother who I lived with at the time again.
I was bullied for my looks.
My mums friends husband hit me.
I drank to the point of no consent at 18 and people had sex with me
I put myself in many dangerous
Today I’m living with CPTSD trying to undo and process all the pain and there’s way more I won’t be able to fit or can’t even remember. But I was abused every week of my life. I live a kinda normal ish life but I go into episodes where I cry and process things randomly. I’m not sure what kind of advice I’m looking for but i kind of want to be heard