u/Flat-Regret5581

I (23F) grew up Christian, no surprise given how my parents were missionaries in Asia. I've never really doubted God's existence or the Bible's validity, and truth be told, I really do love studying the Bible, and I have a very deep interest in theology as well. I was fortunate enough to find a really great community at university, and we've had some really interesting discussions about faith and religion and the Bible.

But as much as my knowledge of God and the Bible deepens, I find myself growing further away from God spiritually. Faith has long stopped feeling personal, and I'm growing more and more apathetic about my spiritual health.

My parents are really traditional--like SUPER conservative, and naturally they imposed a lot of rules when I was younger (and still now). Like we have services every morning and evening, and don't really do anything that isn't explicitly "Christian." Don't get me wrong, they were great parents growing up, never abusive or anything, but just quite controlling in that aspect, I guess.

And I've always struggled with lust ever since I was ~12 and accidentally stumbled on some explicit content on the internet, but I kept that part of me hidden really well (and still do, to this day). My parents aren't exactly the most understanding when it comes to issues like this, and I have no idea how I would even bring it up.

But going to university away in a different country and just growing up, I've developed my own opinions and views on the Bible and Christianity that are definitely less conservative. For example, I got a septum piercing, and when my mom found out, she freaked and then made me take it out, and then gave me a whole lecture on how I was destroying my body, which was the Temple of God and whatnot. Now, I don't necessarily see body piercings as inherently sinful, but I also didn't want to fight with my parents (and trust, she quoted Ephesians 6:1). But it's not only that, it extends to things like drinking, the way I dress, the stickers on my laptop, the charms on my bag. They're very black-and-white on EVERYTHING and even when I try to coax them into deeper conversations, they just shut me down.

There's a HUGE part of me that is perpetually ashamed and guilty for still not being able to overcome my lust, and now I basically hide every aspect of my life from my parents. I drink, I smoke, I consume explicit sexual content, I re-pierced my septum and keep it hidden. And there's a part of me that knows I'm spiralling down the slippery slope that is sin, but there's something inside me that wants to go against my parents. That probably sounds so juvenile and immature, but the Christianity that my parents demonstrate always makes me feel so ashamed all the time. But I love my parents, and I know having a "delinquent" daughter would break their hearts (not to mention their image as missionaries), so I keep pretending to be the Christian they want me to be, but I also feel so conflicted about my devotion to God, because I feel so terrible for pretending in church and whatever when I'm not really sincere--it feels very hypocritical.

And I'd like to think that God would rather I be in church and worship sincerely with a tattoo than be tattoo-free and pretend to worship. But everything just feels so confusing and overwhelming, and it makes me want to actively avoid God and reading the Bible. So I just become so apathetic towards everything Christianity-related, and it's basically become like a performance for me, so that my parents are appeased, and their colleagues and friends still view them as the "perfect" Christians.

Hi everyone!

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* Female only

* Ensuite room (comes with your own bathroom)

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Hi, this is my first time posting here so I'm a bit unfamiliar with how everything works, but I'm desperate to have some advice.

I'm 22F university student living in a Condominium and last night, there was an incident where a person (a male university student) was having a psychotic episode on one of the common floors (it has the gym, swimming pool, etc). There are videos circulating around showing him attacking people who were out and about the shared space (to the point where some of them had to go to the hospital) and screaming incoherently. It took 4 security guards to finally hold him down and then he was later taken by the police to the mental health hospital (allegedly).

And I just heard from a friend that the security guard who usually is the one on duty on the shared floor had gotten quite severely injured because of the university student because he had been the only one present to subdue him initially. I don't even know if this story is true but I wouldn't be too surprised.

But what's been really pulling at me is that this security guard is an older gentleman and he's always been so polite and gentle, and when I didn't see that particular security guard today, I was honestly really worried. The things is, all the security guards who work at the Condominium are foreigners and the country I live in isn't exactly the most accommodating to migrant workers, so I just really worry for them, especially if it involves a health issue because God knows how much the medial bills might rack up to, and they're all just people trying to make a better life in a foreign land while barely making minimum wage.

I don't know if I should ask the other security guards about the situation, whether they know if anyone was injured or hospitalized. And would it be inappropriate for me to visit this security guard if he were to be in the hospital? I'm a university student and can't really help financially so I don't know what I can even do to help in this situation, but I'm just really worried and don't know what to do.