u/Flat_Technology4044

I was wondering if there is any moms my age raising their own kids who just recently found out they were pregnant again and can’t afford another child and have given the second one up for adoption?

Just looking to see how the birth moms felt. And how their older kids felt when they realized their only sibling was going up for adoption. Or anyone who has been in my place and had to answer to second child as they got older why we could keep other but not them…

Please be kind in the comments. I just found out I am 8 weeks pregnant a couple days ago and didn’t know as my periods are irregular. I already have a 7 yo child I had when I was 18. I found out the father was cheating and he abandoned us while I was 6 months postpartum. I have been a single mother ever since and do the best I can to raise her with my only help from my “village”, my incredible mother, who also has colon cancer. I am so happy I had my daughter and love her very much, but i have always financially struggled to keep a roof over her head and food on the table. It’s hard with barely any help and having mental issues on top of that.

Last year was very hard for me. (Trigger warning) I tried starting a cleaning business and ended up getting raped by one of my customers. I lost my regular job of 3 years and went into a downward spiral. I lost my house, job and car. I had a plan to kill myself and couldn’t go through with it. During this time I met an older male 47, and we became friends. He helped me out with money here and there but I could tell he expected other things in return. I always felt threatened by him. Idk if it was bc of my past trauma or intuition. For example, he sometimes would just stand in the middle of the room and stare. Being very sneaky around the house thinking I couldn’t see him watching me. The look in his eyes was nothing I’d ever seen before. He is a loner, and has kids my age. And gave me predatory vibes around children. He also made it a point tell me how men from where he came from are violent and jealous and I got “lucky” bc he changed and how much he’s done for me (financially) he’s never done for anyone else.

Physically, any time we kissed he wanted to be long make out sessions and I could pull away and he would forcefully grab my face to where I couldn’t move. I hated having sex with him, which was only a couple times. I was very physically uncomfortable and even cried but I felt like I couldn’t leave bc he might do something violent if I didn’t. He had a machete by the bed and pistols everywhere throughout the house.

Now I finally broke it off making him think it was his idea, by slowly pulling away, and I feel like I finally escaped. I have been depressed, barely moving and hating myself for allowing what happened to me. Then I go to the hospital for abdominal pain and they tell me I’m 8 weeks pregnant. I am so distraught.

I want an abortion and ordered from aid access but a part of me is scared bc of religious reasons. I feel like a failure of a mom and human being. I know I am letting my mom down as well. She knows the whole story and told me these are consequences of my actions.

I have debated adoption, but can’t bring myself to carry this child which will cause physical reminders of what happened to me on my body, for 30 more weeks. I just want to move on from this.