Should I cut off my parents?
I will try to keep this as short as I possibly can.
I was pursuing a healthcare degree and I ended up switching my course in my 2nd year due to not liking the course, anxiety from being there and also being bullied on that course. It got so bad I couldn’t even bring myself to show up to the lectures or anything to do with the course, so naturally I was already failing. I ended up switching to a Business degree which is more in line with what I want to do and I start that in September, back in first year again.
My parents are very success driven and sometimes I feel like my worth is attached to what I achieve and materialistic things (for example when I was 11 I failed the 11+ test (grammar test) by a few marks and my parents made me lie to all my peers and their parents that I passed because they were embarrassed by me. Before going to uni I asked them if I could take a gap year because I had no idea what I wanted to do and they said no because they thought taking a gap year was embarrassing. I was basically kinda forced to pick a course and I chose the healthcare one because it was impressive, looked good on paper and I wanted to impress them (I also used to be very success driven rather than focusing what I actually wanted or what was best for me. I just mainly did everything I could to impress my parents but a lot of the time I was never enough for them, and me moving away, and finding myself is part of the reason why I’m in this situation now). ANYWAY moral of the story is they like to feel better than everyone else.
Part of that involved them paying for my tuition fees upfront, meaning that I never received a student loan. They felt as tho having a loan holds you back, so yes. I knew switching my course would hurt them so I was partly prepared to be disowned and never hear from them again. They did cut me off financially for a bit, got called a bunch of names, etc etc but it is what it is. Eventually we talked it out more but they hold “everything they’ve done for me” over my head, including paying my tuition fees. They are going to pay for my new degree but I feel like it’s just another thing to boost there ego because they know they can afford it, and like I said they like to be better than everyone else. I was going to accept it but it’s been 4 months since they knew about me switching my course and they still continue to call me names and look down on me. They’ve said things like “your the reason why your sister can’t leave for university when it’s her turn because we can’t afford it” “your the reason why we can’t go on holiday this year”, “you’ve embarrassed and let down the family”. This is all lies. For example, they aren’t going on holiday this year for a completely different reason, but they are just using me as an excuse. I know they are trying to make me feel bad and don’t like what I’ve done but I wasn’t happy.
I’ve spent my whole life trying to impress them and was very hard on myself as when i achieved things they were minimal, but when I let them down it was detrimental. I just never felt like I was enough. Switching my course is the one thing I’ve done for me and I’m getting a lot of hate from them for it. They’ve also said I take accountability for nothing, but like I know that I’ve fucked up and this decision is a lot. I know I’ve hurt them but it’s been 4 months and literally every conversation I have with them still ends with me in tears. Every phone call goes back to me switching my course and why I let them down. I care about their feelings but I was also very stressed out with this decision, I was stressed out being on a course I hate, with people that hated me. I was going through a lot. (I’ve been bullied before in the past and if I was being bullied on a course i genuinely liked ofc that would suck but I think being somewhere I didn’t even want to be AND being bullied there on top of it just added salt to the wound).
Also my parents said that I owe them £30k randomly today. (20k plus interest) for the money they spent on my tuition fees. I did say I’d pay them back for switching my course a while ago as I felt guilty about it and I still do but the interest thing came out of no where today. It’s stuff like that where they just add on and hold things over my head, which makes me feel even more shitty about myself.
ANYWAY I know I’m still rambling a lot. The point is I’m thinking about cutting off my parents. I just feel very emotionally unsafe, not loved etc etc. I do have enough money myself to pay for my own tuition fees and rent for the first year but after that I don’t know what I will do if I don’t get a job (I have been applying for jobs but because my parents never really let me break free I have no experience so it’s pretty hard to get one (they told me I couldn’t get a job when I was 16 and just to focus on my studies so obviously I listened). I just don’t know if I should apply for sfe, pay for it myself, or try hatch things out with my parents. I have told them about cutting them off before and they apologised and realised they can be a bit harsh sometimes, but then their behaviour still continues.
So ya I’m just asking for advice really 🤔
I do know a lot of this is my fault and there were a lot of time when I was younger where I could have stood up to them, like taking a gap year for instance but I guess I was just scared and believed and trusted in their authority a lot more then I do now. I’m just trying to move forward in the best way possible for me even if that means them not being in my life. They’ve honestly caused me a lot of stress and emotional damage. I know I’ve hurt them and I hate that I’ve hurt them but it’s gotten to a point that my mental health is suffering at their expense.
And I know I’ve said a lot but this truly is a short summary of everything as a lot more stuff happened but this is the best way I can explain it as short as possible. And if you disagree with anything I’ve said don’t be afraid to say what you truly think in the comments. I honestly just want everyone’s honest unbiased opinion :)
And if you want me to elaborate on anything then just lemme know :)