u/FloatingBubbelPuppy

Hi!

I'm a single mom (33f, 1kid 6m)and currently dating a guy (33m) with no pre-existing kids, for about 6 months now.

They haven't met yet.

I really like him but he has absolutely no experience with kids, let alone being in a relationship with kids.

He doesn't mind that I have a kid, he does want kids of his own as well. Which I am not against under the right conditions, as he is aware of and agrees with.

I came here wondering about general experiences of stepdads and how we can let this grow naturally and healthily for everyone involved. (both my kid and myself and my partner)

Do you have tips and opinions that could help us? Things we need to know before taking more serious steps like introducing, potentially moving in, potentially marriage at one point? How can I support him in a stepparent role if it comes to that?

What pointers would you give him?

I've been dating this man since March, so about 4 full months now. Though I've known him for about 2 years.

As far as I am aware (we have talked about it) we're both only seriously dating (so dating for marriage).

We have established exclusivity, but he doesn't want to call it a relationship, he tells me in his opinion, we're dating.

I think in the reality of the day-to-day, we're far more than dating. When my kid isn't with me, he is practically living in my place (He does have his own place), I have spare clothes here for him, we call for hours every day when we can't see each other. He's attentive, he's kind, he's a big cuddler as am I, we did a few road trips, we've said I love you's, he comes over even if it's just for a cuddle..

He has dreams still that don't absolutely align with my possibilities, considering I have a kid, and we were going to have conversations about it..

But the conversations aren't happening, relationship talk isn't happening, and honestly it is really hurting me. Other than that, I absolutely see myself growing old with him, which he knows. We have thesame values, I'd love to help build on his dream to the best of my possibilities. Since the contact is so frequent, it also feels like we're going on longer than the 4 months.

I don't really know what to do. Because I really do love him. He's not perfect, but we're very well aligned in what we objectively want from life.

I think having the conversation about it, while he already knows the limbo is hurting me, I have expressed that to him, would pressure him. Then again I really do feel I need to have this conversation, because I want to be open and clear, I will not remain this hurt because he's actively not choosing one or the other (relationship or not), at some point when he fails to choose, I'll have to choose for myself, and I do want to give him a head up for that.

I honestly really don't understand the hold-up, we're doing ALLL that, he' s investing all that free time and money as well (I only feel comfortable about that because I sometimes cook for him too) into this thing he's not calling a relationship (yet).

What are your opinions? You think I got myself into a situationsship? Am I being a bedwarmer until he can fully commit to his dream? Should I be more patient? I know you don't KNOW the actual hold up, but maybe could you assist with some insights here?

Thank you all in advance!