u/Foreign-Badger2956

I’m 23F and trying to understand a really consistent dating/social pattern I keep running into and I’d love insight from some people like this...

When I get approached by men, it tends to go this way:

Most commonly, one guy will approach first and come in VERY strongly very quickly — like very forward interest, lots of attention, sometimes a bit intense or “claiming” energy socially. It can even feel super possessive or like he’s trying to secure my attention immediately and exclude me from anyone else.

At the same time, there’s usually another guy in the group who I actually feel more drawn to — quieter, more reserved, more my type personality-wise. There’s often mutual eye contact or a slower build kind of vibe with him.
But what ends up happening almost every time is:

The more forward guy dominates the interaction first...

The other guy kind of backs off very quickly or becomes more distant (and he is usually more mature and socially aware)

Even if there was initial mutual interest, it doesn’t really develop because we never get the chance.

Sometimes I even notice the quieter guy still seems curious about me later (like asking my friends who are in relationships about me and get close to them or staying somewhat connected socially), but he never directly follows through with me. I like have the feeling we are both attracted to each other too so it confuses me.

It almost feels like the “intense pursuer” creates a social claim early and the guy I’m actually interested in steps back without competing or making it obvious
so I never really get a clean chance to explore that connections

So I guess my questions are:

Why does this dynamic happen so often to me in these group/social settings?

And what do I do to connect with the quieter/more my-type guys before the louder dynamic takes over?? I try but the other guy always interjects and makes us both feel like it's forbidden. And I feel guilt almost sometimes cus he is hovering over me...

Would really appreciate honest perspectives from guys who relate to either side of this!!

I've always had clear skin and a very simple skincare routine. My skin has always been on the dry side and I'd maybe get a pimple or two on my chin and between my eyebrows only. In January of this year, I ran out of my products and felt like I wasn't doing enough (I wanted the glowy dewy skin I see online), so I switch up my routine. I bought a new cleanser (la Roche posay foaming), a moisturizer (weleda skin food), and a night time moisturizer (la Roche posay cicaplast). Also included toner milk. I learned after a month or so that maybe it wasn't the best idea and started getting closed comedones around my chin. I stopped immediately and went back to the cleanser and double repair moisturizer from la Roche posay once a day. The comedones started spreading up my chin and around my mouth, and I started developing cysts. The acne is only on my chin (around mouth) and between my eyebrows still, but I haven't been able to get much control of it since. It's been like 3 weeks now and I have this cluster of cysts slowly healing but I feel like I get a new deep comedones every day! I'm tired of it! I started azelaic acid this week but not sure what to do. Do I cleanse once or twice a day? Not sure what's going on. The comedones I used to get I could pop easily and these don't they just turn into deep cysts. Help!

I've always had clear skin and a very simple skincare routine. My skin has always been on the dry side and I'd maybe get a pimple or two on my chin and between my eyebrows only. In January of this year, I ran out of my products and felt like I wasn't doing enough (I wanted the glowy dewy skin I see online), so I switch up my routine. I bought a new cleanser (la Roche posay foaming), a moisturizer (weleda skin food), and a night time moisturizer (la Roche posay cicaplast). Also included toner milk. I learned after a month or so that maybe it wasn't the best idea and started getting closed comedones around my chin. I stopped immediately and went back to the cleanser and double repair moisturizer from la Roche posay once a day. The comedones started spreading up my chin and around my mouth, and I started developing cysts. The acne is only on my chin (around mouth) and between my eyebrows still, but I haven't been able to get much control of it since. It's been like 3 weeks now and I have this cluster of cysts slowly healing but I feel like I get a new deep comedones every day! I'm tired of it! I started azelaic acid this week but not sure what to do. Do I cleanse once or twice a day? Not sure what's going on. The comedones I used to get I could pop easily and these don't they just turn into deep cysts. Help!

I've always had clear skin and a very simple skincare routine. My skin has always been on the dry side and I'd maybe get a pimple or two on my chin and between my eyebrows only. In January of this year, I ran out of my products and felt like I wasn't doing enough (I wanted the glowy dewy skin I see online), so I switch up my routine. I bought a new cleanser (la Roche posay foaming), a moisturizer (weleda skin food), and a night time moisturizer (la Roche posay cicaplast). Also included toner milk. I learned after a month or so that maybe it wasn't the best idea and started getting closed comedones around my chin. I stopped immediately and went back to the cleanser and double repair moisturizer from la Roche posay once a day. The comedones started spreading up my chin and around my mouth, and I started developing cysts. The acne is only on my chin (around mouth) and between my eyebrows still, but I haven't been able to get much control of it since. It's been like 3 weeks now and I have this cluster of cysts slowly healing but I feel like I get a new deep comedones every day! I'm tired of it! I started azelaic acid this week but not sure what to do. Do I cleanse once or twice a day? Not sure what's going on. The comedones I used to get I could pop easily and these don't they just turn into deep cysts. Help!