u/Formal-Pop-6950

Hi everyone, I’m new here but I need some advice..
me and my husband got married in November 2025, ever since then I’ve always been fanatic of having kids with my husband. Or anyone I knew I was going to choose as my future husband. Fast forward, me and my husband that same week of our wedding, we prayed that we conceived a baby, we had our honeymoon that same week and found out the month after that I was pregnant with my first.
We were both excited, we were both happy to have our first baby despite the fights me and my husband would have.. me and my husband would go to our regular appointments to check up on the baby and everything was absolutely fine.
Until I lost my baby on February 27th, That day I grew angry and had a hatred with God and sometimes I still experience the anger, because I see all these horrible people having kids or popping out babies with no issues. It was a constant battle and struggle where I even had to take therapy for my Post-partum because of how depressed I was. I was treating my husband like complete garbage and I was treating myself like trash. It helped me a little bit but regardless I still was mad at God.
Me and my husband started to try again, and I can say I’m pretty disappointed and frustrated because we just started trying again and I wanted to hope that I would get pregnant again on the first try like I did when I got married. Turns out I did not because my period came right after which made me cry in anger. A few weeks back I did watch the series the chosen and it was impactful because I can really relate to each of the characters. Especially when Eden and Peter wanted to try for a baby but unfortunately Eden and Peter lost the baby. And I felt angry and sad because I saw me and my husband’s footsteps on them. And today I raged in anger to God as to why is it complicated to conceive? Why do I have an ovarian cyst on my left side of my ovaries? I was furious and I still am because I see all the mothers at my church happy with their children or my family members who are unstable and in the meantime me and my husband who are good people we don’t get nothing…
I get more emotional or upset because I have a couple of church members approaching us telling us that they had a dream about us having problems conceiving or me and my husband going to the hospital to pray for women in labor. And it makes me angry and sad because I desire to have a child of my own.. but it feels like a punishment and it just pushes me away from God … and idk what to do …

Amazon flex XL

Struggling with my faith.

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