Has anyone’s narc parent stolen money from them? Were you able to get it back?
My narc mother has 5000 of my money she just took out of my account. She has official access because “I don’t know how banking works (she never taught me” and it’s all family money anyways (she wants control over my finances)”.
I can’t tip her off that I’m escaping right now, but I could really use that money if I can get it.
Hi everyone,
I’m in the middle of an escape plan from my parents (covert narc mother, ocpd father).
I was just given an opportunity to potentially get way further away from them than I initially thought possible by someone incredibly kind. The problem is that it is going to cost me a lot more money to be in that location vs my original destination, plus if I want to bring any amount of my stuff it’s an extra amount.
My mother has access to my main account (I have a hidden account now). She has about $5000 of my money in one of her accounts to “help balance it”. She took it without me knowing and told me very nonchalantly after the fact. “It’s all family money anyway.” I’m on disability. It takes me years to save any sort of amount.
Is there a way for me to go about getting that money back? They absolutely cannot know I’m leaving, and I don’t know what I would say to explain why I need it. To justify why it can’t just sit in her account and help her out.
I could get my dad involved but it’s risky. I don’t know whose side he will take.
This money could be life changing for me. But if it tips them off then I’m toast, it’s over. So I’m not sure it’s worth it. And I have no actual evidence that it’s mine, so she could just say I’m remembering wrong, that she never said that.
Reading about leaving someone with ocpd (how determined they can become to drag you back) makes me feel distance would be a great thing, and this location would have other benefits. But getting there without extra money will be near impossible.
Open to any thoughts, especially if you’re someone who had to escape in secret.
Thank you everyone!
Hi Everyone,
I’m currently planning my escape from my parents. I was speaking with my psychiatrist about me leaving and he wants me to work on my fear and guilt about what might happen when I leave because he’s afraid I might get a few hours away in my drive and turn around. Because the guilt and responsibility have been so deeply ingrained in me by my parents.
The fear is about what is going to happen to my mentally ill father when I leave. He is not well, relies on borrowing my nervous system to regulate himself and he only feels “okay” if he’s controlling everything about me. I’m afraid he might have a breakdown or go into a psychotic break, or that my mother might harm him because she’s so resentful towards him. He has OCPD that has gotten steadily worse in the last few years.
I have zero problems estranging from my narcissist mother, but I worry about my father (though I do understand his behaviour is also abuse, I just know it comes from deep trauma and I can see the love he has for me that he just can’t express or handle in a healthy way).
Has anyone else had to face their guilt and fear when leaving? What helped in the months prior to getting out? Had to you make sure you didn’t turn back?
I have a therapist I’ll be working with. One of the benefits of being labelled the crazy one is that they can’t give you such an extreme label and then not allow you a therapist. Would definitely mess with the image they’ve created for me.
Hi there,
I’m currently planning my (36) escape from my very controlling parents. I don’t know a lot of what I should know and could use some help.
I’m in need to some financial guidance, if anyone here is from Canada and knows about finances.
I know I have an RDSP- a registered disability savings plan. But I don’t know anything more than the amount that comes out of my account every month. I understand that it’s possible to change the amount payed each month but not how to do it (I think my bank could help me with that part)
I asked my mother about it trying to get information, I found out that it’s through my mom’s friend’s company, that she has been getting the statements, opening them, and filing them. I don’t know where they are filed.
How do I access this account if I don’t know any of the information to do that? She set it up in my name but I know nothing about it.
Can I change the company it’s with? I can’t contact my mother’s friend right now about it because it would give away my escape. I don’t even know the company’s name of the friend’s phone number.
I could possibly get ahold of a statement if that could help, but I would have to be really strategic about it. My mom gets really cold and offended when I try to control my own money and disability services. I could play my dad’s black and white sensibility but it could cause I fight. They can’t know I’m leaving.
It would be safest if there was a way to change it without going through my parents and my mother’s friend.
Hi, it’s me again. I posted a few days ago for tips on what to do before fleeing.
I’ve written down all the suggestions but I’m questioning myself. It feels crazy to just run.
For anyone else who ran, packed up while they were gone, how did you know this was the right decision? How did you know you couldn’t try having a conversation about moving out?
I understand that trauma makes me question myself but I’m just need to feel sure. I have a few months time and I will continue planning. But there’s a part of me that is saying “this is rash and ridiculous and you should just talk with your parents.”
But when I think about trying that I panic and I don’t really understand why other than the feeling of panic and dread.
Thank you