u/Forsaken_Post_4115

So I 19f went to urgent care on Tuesday (it’s Sunday morning as I write this)
Because for a week prior to my urgent care visit my throat had been feeling weird, and then on Sunday or Monday I started to develop a lump on the right side of my neck, and a weird feeling in my throat.

Well when I went to urgent care, (this was the FASTEST urgent care visit I think I’ve ever had which is weird) I was told I have an abscess on my tonsils, on the right side of my throat, and a swollen lymph node, and they sent me home with augmentin that I had to take every 12 hours.

That night the pain I had when swallowing spread to my ear.

After that nothing super crazy had developed and I thought it was working. I was wrong.
Saturday evening I had woken up and it was harder to talk and swallowing my saliva sucked.

I would also like to briefly mention, since a few days before my urgent care visit I had been feeling very “weak” and extremely tired and I couldn’t figure out why.

Well on Saturday after I had woken up I decided I was gonna go back to urgent care, but they were closed so I went the the ER as it was the only place open and I thought I’d rather be safe then sorry and not potentially suffocate in my sleep or something.

They did blood work, gave me an IV with steroids, a pain reliever, and something else and once the blood work came back the Dr came in and very quickly let me know I had mono.

I genuinely thought he was joking. I had to clarify that he was serious and he was.

I have no idea how I could have gotten it because nobody around me had had it or had been having any symptoms of it so I’m lost there.

But after coming home I tried to do as much re search as I can and found out the being prescribed amoxicillin while having mono can cause rashes and such.
They also diagnosed me with tonsillitis, now I have yet to do a lot of research on that so that could be similar to having an abscess on the tonsil however, I feel like the urgent care kinda failed me.

And I’m wondering what would have happened if I hadn’t gone to the ER and figured out I had mono.

Don’t get me wrong I’m sure I wouldn’t have died or anything severe but it was a little concerning how fast that appointment at the urgent care went.

Now what I want to ask is, how long does it really last?
How long will the fatigue last?
I’m so so worried it will stick around for a WHILE and the dr didn’t really tell me how long they just said a few months give or take. I haven’t known anyone that’s had mono either so for those of you that have had it do you have any tips or tricks?

This feels like such a cliche thing, but I feel like I’m having such a hard time figuring out who I am.

I know nothing I want to do with my life, my job, my future, goals, and I’m really struggling. I’m not in a situation of any sort of physical harm by any means, I know a lot of post like this tend to say that they are having issues with those thoughts, my thing is I just want to do good for myself and my future and I am scared of not going in the right direction or doing the wrong things, I know that’s part of growing up and living but I desperately fear becoming like my older sisters, all but 1 of them have for the most part ruined their lives and I don’t want to become them.
As much as I’m ashamed of myself for saying this, I’ve googled a lot about how to find yourself and no shocker it didn’t help. I knew none of the answers to the questions or prompts, like “what traits have lasted since childhood”
Or “what things do you like to do”
Just things like that.
I don’t know if it’s just because my mind goes blank when I get asked those questions or if I genuinely don’t know.
There’s a pit in my stomach thinking about my future and I’m scared. Nobody in my life seems to understand what I mean, and none of them help, they just seem to berate me or just tell me everything I’m doing is wrong. I feel like I’m having a beginning life crisis and I’m just really at a loss for what to do or where to start.

I feel like my anxiety is getting in the way of everything but at the same time I fear it’s just myself and my thoughts getting in the way, and if my anxiety wasn’t there that it wouldn’t change a thing.

I really really don’t know where to begin.