How do you make LDR’s work?
I (34F) live with my nesting partner (33M) we opened our relationship a year ago after doing a lot of reading, listening, and talking. Things have been rocky at times, but we talk it through.
I met someone online, I’ll call him Ken (31M), about 9-10 months ago. We’ve bonded so much in that time. We talk about everything in our lives together, we have a lot of similarities, and both really want to be there to support the other, we also of course have spicy play time long distance. I really really have strong feelings for Ken and he’s told me those feelings are reciprocated. The issue is he lives about 1,200 miles away. I know that’s an insane distance, but the feelings I have don’t feel like NRE, it feels like someone seeing me for me. I don’t think I’ve ever had feelings like this for anyone. I adore my NP, but in a completely different way. The feelings have only grown stronger the longer and more we talk. We’re planning to meet in either July or August depending on some travel arrangements. Obviously I know things in person may not be the same, but even on the phone (which I hate) we can talk for hours.
My issue is I’m having a really hard time with the distance and so is he. We both wish we could just be there for each other, and not being able to just run by and hang out impromptu is really rough. I worry this will make things unsustainable.
Additionally, Ken is not Polyamorous. It’s new to him, and he’s open to it and talked about learning more, but I worry this is going to be a barrier down the road. We talked it out a little last night and he talked about how he has no issues with my NP but doesn’t know how he’d feel about others. Which fair, and realistically I wouldn’t want more than two partners because NP and I have one child and one on the way. So I’d want to be realistic in the capacity and effort I can put into others. Buuuut I also know the dangers of Poly/Mono thanks to all the horror stories I’ve read.
He even made the joke we’d pretty much be a throuple and I laughed and said nope, not unless you and NP decided to date each other. Which I mean they’re both bi and have a lot in common, but I’d also not just expect that to happen. Honestly I’d prefer it didn’t. That’s a whole other mess I’m not wanting to get into. But the fact he was open to a world with me and my NP and kiddos, kinda gave me this glimmer of hope.
But right now my biggest concern is the distance. Realistically with work, and children, I can’t go visit every month like I’d want to. I work remotely and have a babysitter M-F, so it’s easier for me to go there than him to try and take time off. So how is it even possible to get closer and cultivate a real relationship if I can only see him a handful of times a year?
Or am I just living in a fantasy like I’m worried I am?