u/Frankenkind

Since stepping back from MIL, I'm seeing more clearly just how many holidays, events, and special occasions have been eclipsed by her neediness and insecurities.

We get random texts from MIL that we don't respond to (we're recently NC). The latest text was a picture of our eldest niece (MIL's grandchild) posing with MIL on niece's graduation day. The text: "[Granddaughter] graduated with her bachelor's in nursing today! Just like I did 40 years ago. And just like Grandma, she'll be working as an ER nurse!"

It should just be about her granddaughter on her graduation day. These people are exhausting and sad.

The moment I think we get a break, MIL does something to jerk us back into her delusional world. I get that this can be a process for our spouses as they figure things out and am trying to be patient.

The latest thing was DH asked for space and made it clear he would reach out when he's ready. She could only respect it for 3 days before she texted me. I didn't respond, so then she sent DH a text 2 days after that. They're just rug sweeping texts...as if she didn't blow up at us and there's 0 acknowledgement of DH's text. He told her that her behavior toward us was inappropriate and that he's not sure if there's a way forward.

Wouldn't she take that seriously and do everything possible to allow repair? I feel like we're living in crazy land. I'm tired of worrying every single day about whether she'll show up announced or attempt contact again. I can't block her because I need to document everything. She's muted and we're going to therapy, but I find myself stuck in this heightened state, especially when there's unwanted contact.

DH said he'll send a firm message next time she texts to let her know it will only prolong the time he needs.

Any tips of dealing with the stress?

I hope this is an ok place for me to ask my question. I'm just at a loss and appreciate any insight.

My mother-in-law is in her early 70s and seems to struggle with a personality disorder, and her behavior is escalating. She blew up at my husband (her son) in public and cussed at us after he expressed wanting more autonomy within the family. This is because she triangulates all of us, lies, gossips, pits people against each other, etc. He didn't say any of that, only that her interfering in relationships will damage his relationship with her if she continues. She told him he could have the kind of relationships he wants with other relatives when she dies. She also refers to herself as the matriarch.

In addition, she also copies a lot of what we have or gets a better version of it. This includes my engagement ring, our car, our dishes...just anything.

What's more baffling to me is that her ex-brother-in-law (married to her sister until she passed) is also a target. After he got remarried, she convinced my father-in-law to move to their new neighborhood an hour away. Then they had to get a similar boat and entertained buying a vacation home...in the same town 10 hours away. She confided in my husband that she drives by the ex-BIL's house often.

After her outburst, we asked for space but she won't stop texting us. She barely acknowledged the outburst afterward (just that she was sorry and ashamed) and now acts like it didn't happen.

What is this behavior? I'm worried about her obsessiveness and feel very uncomfortable. She also told us that we were f*cking everything up for her when my husband tried to talk to her about autonomy. How worried should I be? There is a history of physical aggression toward other family members, which also contributes to my anxiety.

Last time we saw MIL, she threw a tantrum, sent a love bomb-filled apology, and has since texted us like nothing happened. DH responded to her a few days ago that we can't tolerate how she treated us (she said something vaguely threatening, cussed, and got in our personal space while doing it). DH told her he needs time and will reach out when he's ready.

So I understand he didn't say "we" in his text but I thought it would be a given for me to be included. She sent me a text this morning to wish me a happy Mother's Day...we don't have kids but we have dogs. So it was a dog mom text.

I feel uncomfortable because the last time I saw or talked to her was when she threw the tantrum. How do I ignore her without looking like rude?? DH isn't going to text her today, which I know she won't take well.

Finally saw FIL after nearly 6 months (ongoing conflict that MIL triggered). We met at a cafe and the first thing he did was set down a pastry and state, "DH, this is for you and MIL to share." DH told them beforehand that he wasn't hungry; however, he has a big sweet tooth and I think FIL did that to soften him up for our conversation (which did not go well at all) and to try to hurt me. DH didn't catch the comment but we recorded the conversation, so he did hear it later.

MIL tried cutting herself a piece but made a big show of struggling and asked DH to help her because she was "too weak." I asked him later if it was difficult to cut and he said no. We've discussed the comment made to exclude me but it doesn't seem worth it to call out. They could just say it wasn't a big deal and that I'm reading too much into it.

Am I overreacting? To me, the comment seemed like grade school behavior and the "help me" felt manipulative. It just feels ugly and I'm tired of their antics.