u/Frea-key

I've seen so many home videos of Michael and the kids or the kids and Grace their nanny floating around the internet. I always wonder where they originated. He was so private about the when they were little, and even when he showed them in the home videos movie thing, their faces were blurred. So how is there all this content out there?

Sidenote: He seemed like such a good dad I'm ill thinking about how he didn't get more time with them. And, it must have been so hard for the kids to lose such a loving father. I imagine the absence felt is tremendous.

You could never get me to shut up about this if it was me. Is there anyone else here who worked with or was the family of someone who worked with Michael? I can never get of enough of these first hand experiences.

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I don't really know how to put it into words, but around this time every year, I end up in this weird spiral of high highs and low lows. I'll be smiling and jamming out to my faves songs one moment and then being shocked into silence just seeing a picture of his face the next.

Michael and his music has been one of my happy places for more than half of my life. I find him as a person and the message he spread to be so genuinely uplifting. Of course I know of his personal struggles, and empathize with them. The world was so unnecessarily cruel to him. I can't reflect on it too deeply because it really pains me. It makes me nauseous.

I think I'm usually pretty good at compartmentalizing my grief regarding Michael through distractions (reading this book and that book, watching interviews, and concert videos etc.). Those things make me feels closer to him—like he's still here with us.

Then today roles around, and I find the emotions impossible to ignore. It's like a physical ache in my chest. It's always there in the background like a shadow, but it really consumes me this time of year. I've been sick to my stomach with dread all day. In honesty, I feel like I never fully processed my grief. I think I always push it down the moment it starts to bubble up for fear of it boiling over and drowning me.

I'm not very good at expressing emotions in eords, so I hope I'm able get my point across. How do you all handle these type feelings? Has it gotten better for you over the years?

Idk how to come back from this. At this point just throw me in the looney bin. 🫠

I've been sitting around and gobbling up all of the Michael content I can find—rehearsal videos, interviews, concert footage, magazine spreads, etc.

As a young(ish) fan. I started to feel very grateful to live in an age where it is all so easily accessible. A quick Google, YouTube, or Reddit search and its there. What was it like for you all? I know Michael was everywhere, but how well documented was everything if you missed something in the moment?

I mean I still wonder how we got all of the complete concert rehearsal videos and such. Like where did it all originate? 🤔

It may be common knowledge for others, but I'm still playing catch up. If someone could tell me, I'd be eternally grateful. 🙏🏽