u/Freak-a-leek562

I’ve gotten myself into a pretty tricky situation. I have caught feelings for a coworker and I don’t know what to do about it. I 30M have become incredibly close with a 28F coworker. We’ve grown close over the past 2 1/2 to 3 years and she truly has become one of my closest and dearest friends. I’ve always had a crush on her and I’ve always found her attractive, but because we’ve spent so much time together I’ve definitely developed feelings toward her. As I said we’re both coworkers and to make things tricky, we sit next to each other in the office. We carpool to work 3 days a week since we live close to each other. We go on daily walks together. We have great playful banter, but we can also talk about deep, meaningful things. We have a secret handshake, we have inside jokes. We even have a “blood oath” so that if one of us leaves, the other has to come along. I’ve always been an incredibly shy person and I've never had a real relationship, so I've never had this intense of an emotional connection with a girl, let alone a girl I find incredibly attractive. To cope with my feelings, I've written a letter confessing my feelings for her. A part of me wants to get this weight off my chest and just tell her how I really feel. To not let this burden me anylonger. I don’t want to regret never talking her how I really feel. But another part of me wants to protect the friendship. I know some people believe the a friendship dies when one friend expresses feelings for the other. I don’t necessarily believe that is true all the time, and I feel we are both emotionally mature enough to work past it and maintain the friendship if the feelings aren’t reciprocated. I also realize thay romance in the office can be extremely tricky as well, but again, I feel like we can both be mature adults about it.

To make matters worse, she is also close with anther male coworker, who I will call “K”. K is a more senior colleague who is in his early to mid 40s. Divorced and one kid. My crush and “K” seem to have a very silly relationship, always joking around etc. They spend a lot of time talking to each other in the office, are consistently pinging each other during work hours, and text frequently outside of work. They have even sent time together by themselves outside of work a couple of times, seemingly in a platonic way. I’m not proud to admit that this makes me exceptionally jealous. My crush is allowed to have other close male friends. “K” is allowed to spend time with whoever he wants. But I still can’t help to be extremely bothered whenever I see his name pop up on her phone when he texts her, or when they spend nearly an hour talking to eachother in his office. I also can’t help but think he might have romantic interest in her, but tha could just be me over thinking.

Any advice how I navigate this situation and deal with the jealousy I have? I know most people will say, just move on and find someone else, but I feel like I should at least tell her how I really feel and get a clear answer if she feel the same before I decide to grieve and move on.

TLDR: I have feelings for a coworker who I am close with, and am dealing with jealousy when she spends time with another male coworker.

I’ve gotten myself into a pretty tricky situation. I have caught feelings for a coworker and I don’t know what to do about it. I 30M have become incredibly close with a 28F coworker. We’ve grown close over the past 2 1/2 to 3 years and she truly has become one of my closest and dearest friends. I’ve always had a crush on her and I’ve always found her attractive, but because we’ve spent so much time together I’ve definitely developed feelings toward her. As I said we’re both coworkers and to make things tricky, we sit next to each other in the office. We carpool to work 3 days a week since we live close to each other. We go on daily walks together. We have great playful banter, but we can also talk about deep, meaningful things. We have a secret handshake, we have inside jokes. We even have a “blood oath” so that if one of us leaves, the other has to come along. I’ve always been an incredibly shy person and I've never had a real relationship, so I've never had this intense of an emotional connection with a girl, let alone a girl I find incredibly attractive. To cope with my feelings, I've written a letter confessing my feelings for her. A part of me wants to get this weight off my chest and just tell her how I really feel. To not let this burden me anylonger. I don’t want to regret never talking her how I really feel. But another part of me wants to protect the friendship. I know some people believe the a friendship dies when one friend expresses feelings for the other. I don’t necessarily believe that is true all the time, and I feel we are both emotionally mature enough to work past it and maintain the friendship if the feelings aren’t reciprocated. I also realize thay romance in the office can be extremely tricky as well, but again, I feel like we can both be mature adults about it.

To make matters worse, she is also close with anther male coworker, who I will call “K”. K is a more senior colleague who is in his early to mid 40s. Divorced and one kid. My crush and “K” seem to have a very silly relationship, always joking around etc. They spend a lot of time talking to each other in the office, are consistently pinging each other during work hours, and text frequently outside of work. They have even sent time together by themselves outside of work a couple of times, seemingly in a platonic way. I’m not proud to admit that this makes me exceptionally jealous. My crush is allowed to have other close male friends. “K” is allowed to spend time with whoever he wants. But I still can’t help to be extremely bothered whenever I see his name pop up on her phone when he texts her, or when they spend nearly an hour talking to eachother in his office. I also can’t help but think he might have romantic interest in her, but tha could just be me over thinking.

Any advice how I navigate this situation and deal with the jealousy I have? I know most people will say, just move on and find someone else, but I feel like I should at least tell her how I really feel and get a clear answer if she feel the same before I decide to grieve and move on.

TLDR: I have feelings for a coworker who I am close with, and am dealing with jealousy when she spends time with another male coworker.