u/Free_Significance919

i just feel like theres something wrong with me, i feel like im just not meant for this life, like i cant do anything a normal person can do properly without extreme struggle. i am socially awkward and anxious, i can barely leave the house without feeling like im going to throw up. i cant even write a email to someone without a knot forming in my stomach from anxiety. my parents call me overally sensitive and emotional constantly.

i feel like at some point in my life i just became one big mistake that the world is slowly trying to cover it up by making it out like i never existed. even at home with my family its happening, like my family is slowly pushing me out. i share a room with my brother, he put all my books and comics in a bag so he could have room for his books and my mother told me to either throw them out or put it in a box in the garage.

my mum keeps telling me that my side of the room is too messy and that i need to clean and throw stuff out to make room, and i have yet no matter what i get rid of or how much i deep clean it its always still too much stuff or too messy. i have 1 poster on my side of the room because all my things are hidden in our closet or in tubs under my bed, since my brothers says my interests are too embarrassing to decorate my side of the room with. i keep saying that theres no space for me anymore but no one listens.

idk if i even have depression, i dont even feel sad i just feel so empty. i used to be so happy and bubbly as a kid and then at some point everything that made me, me just dissapeared and now im just so anxious all the time. all my hobbies im suddenly unable to do anymore, like i used to draw, i love drawing, but i just cant do it anymore like the ability has been sucked out of me.

i cant even talk to anyone about this because my family would probably call me too sensitive or emotional, and my friends didnt take it seriously the last time i told them. the only time i feel at peace with myself or content is when im going to sleep becuase at leas then nothing is expected of me and i can hopefully dream of a better life while alseep. i even dread waking up now. idk what to do anymore.

Any advice? or even anyone who can relate to me.

i graduated college at the end of last year with a art degree, since then ive been sort of living at home not really doing anything, i help with all the chores around the house, cleaning it every day.

i sound super dramatic, but even leaving the house sometimes fills me with nauseating anxiety. idk how i will even fair in a job, having to interact with people daily. my parents think im lazy, even though they know i have bad anxiety, i cant tell if they just cant grasp the extent of it or they do and just dont care enough. even if they dont know how bad it is i cant tell them because they dont take mental health serious, they basically tell you that you need to push through or get over it.

My parents have been really angry over it, i cant go a day without them screaming at me, calling me a lazy piece of shit, a bum, they lately have been threatening to smash all my devices, or threatening to kick me out. i cant go through a day without this happening, i just wake up with dread and am anxious for them to come home from work becuase i know they berate me.

im just so anxious all the time, idk how i will even get past a interview without feeling like im going to throw up or having a panic attack, im just so afraid.

Has anyone been through something similar? or can provide me any advice?