u/Freedombound0923

So my sister (28F) got pregnant in 2019. She has never wanted kids so she never planned on keeping this baby. She went through all the options and decided that abortion wasn't something she could go thru with. So she asked me (30F) to adopt the baby when born. Tragically, the baby was stillborn. During my sister's pregnancy she texted me asking for a ride to the hospital and from that moment where they confirmed the pregnancy i took her to every single appointment until the one where they said the baby was gone. She decided she didn't want me at the delivery so I didn't push. I did go to the baby's funeral.

Extra possibly unnecessary context: my sister was on drugs at the time when she became pregnant. There were 2 guys that could've been the father they both came together to get all the money she'd need to get an abortion but she decided against it. She decided to name her child. She didn't go to the funeral, and I had no one to go with me, so I buried her (the baby) alone. My sister decided not to give her daughter her name so instead of reading "Violet" on the tiny coffin it said "Baby". When asked about that decision she said she didn't allow her daughter to keep her name in case she got the chance to use the name in the future "for a child that lives". I am not sure if this child was going to actually be my niece or my daughter but either way i love her so much and I feel like a lot of my sister's choices during that time were wrong and did that baby dirty.

Onto the tattoo: I am planning on getting a pink and blue poisonous dart frog sitting on some violets. To symbolize my sister's child, my aunt that collected frogs (niknaks and that type of stuff not real frogs), and my own child that I miscarried and named after my aunt that collected frogs. My sister feels like I should not get a tattoo on honor of her daughter and I feel like it's the LEAST that can be done to give some sort of proof to the world that that baby not only existed but she was loved. I love her and think about how much i love her every day. So would I be the asshole if I get the tattoo in honor of my sister's baby even tho she doesn't want me to?

Edit to add: i am not asking if I should or should not get the tattoo. I am getting it as soon as I am able to afford it to be done perfectly. I'm simply asking if it is an AH move to people less emotionally attached to the situation. Outside perspective lol

So my sister (28F) got pregnant in 2019. She has never wanted kids so she never planned on keeping this baby. She went through all the options and decided that abortion wasn't something she could go thru with. So she asked me (30F) to adopt the baby when born. Tragically, the baby was stillborn. During my sister's pregnancy she texted me asking for a ride to the hospital and from that moment where they confirmed the pregnancy i took her to every single appointment until the one where they said the baby was gone. She decided she didn't want me at the delivery so I didn't push. I did go to the baby's funeral.

Extra possibly unnecessary context: my sister was on drugs at the time when she became pregnant. There were 2 guys that could've been the father they both came together to get all the money she'd need to get an abortion but she decided against it. She decided to name her child. She didn't go to the funeral, and I had no one to go with me, so I buried her (the baby) alone. My sister decided not to give her daughter her name so instead of reading "Violet" on the tiny coffin it said "Baby". When asked about that decision she said she didn't allow her daughter to keep her name in case she got the chance to use the name in the future "for a child that lives". I am not sure if this child was going to actually be my niece or my daughter but either way i love her so much and I feel like a lot of my sister's choices during that time were wrong and did that baby dirty.

Onto the tattoo: I am planning on getting a pink and blue poisonous dart frog sitting on some violets. To symbolize my sister's child, my aunt that collected frogs (niknaks and that type of stuff not real frogs), and my own child that I miscarried and named after my aunt that collected frogs. My sister feels like I should not get a tattoo on honor of her daughter and I feel like it's the LEAST that can be done to give some sort of proof to the world that that baby not only existed but she was loved. I love her and think about how much i love her every day. So would I be the asshole if I get the tattoo in honor of my sister's baby even tho she doesn't want me to?

Edit to add: i am not asking if I should or should not get the tattoo. I am getting it as soon as I am able to afford it to be done perfectly. I'm simply asking if it is an AH move to people less emotionally attached to the situation. Outside perspective lol

Update to answer common questions and concerns: A lot of people are upset at my phrasing of "I'm not sure whether I would've been her mom or her aunt." There were two possible fathers. One of the guys wanted the baby; the other didn't. DNA was a huge deciding factor in my role. Adoption is also complicated, and there's no guarantee it would've gone through and been finalized with me as the parent, even if that was the goal we both had. The baby's name is not up for debate or discussion. Both my sister and I recognize that as her name, now and then. She was not sober when she made her decisions back then, and I'm not going to press her about why. I know that despite giving her child a name, and despite always recognizing that as her name, she didn't put the name on the coffin. She did make the comment about wanting to use the name again for a baby that lives, and that part has always bothered me. It's the biggest reason why I feel the need to memorialize this child. She will not be erased from my life, my heart, or my memories, even if my sister wants to erase her own memories of it. The tattoo placement will be in a spot that would be mostly covered even in a swimsuit. It's not a piece I plan to post pictures of anywhere or go around stripping to show off. However, it is a piece that will be mentioned here and there, and despite my sister not usually being one to start big drama, once drama starts she jumps in full swing. She dates the worst, most over-the-top people, all of whom seem to be addicted to drama more than anything else. Since I'm getting this piece soon, it will come up here and there, and I'm sure she'll hear about it. When she does, someone will undoubtedly have something to say. This is a situation where, in my opinion, neither of us are the AH, but both of us have been the AH. How we move forward individually is really up to us. I don't bring it up, but I will answer direct questions about it. I only made this post because I've never posted before, and what I actually wanted to post about was a bit of family drama. This post made it very clear that Reddit wouldn't know how to handle it, so I guess I'll find a different outlet to talk about the insanity of my family drama. And I've been in therapy since I was a child. I'm still going to therapy and will not stop going to therapy. Thanks for the fake interest in mental health, lmao.