u/Frenchpotato12345

Some days ago, me and my LDR ex with BPD we broke up because he felt like he lost his feelings for me, but the problem is he doesn't even have any explanation for it, he said I'm a good person to him, he feels good spending time with me, there wasn't really any problem going on (from my point of view and what I was told at least), but just he doesn't feel the same anymore, and it happened pretty quickly.

I explained the situation with more details in another post for BPD people, just to get some insights on what could be going on, but I'm not fully convinced by the "this could be a test" theory, which is the only answer I got.

Anyway whether it's a test or not, I failed to keep the relationship alive. Keeping it alive would have meant forcing him to act like a boyfriend when he didn't feel like doing it anymore, and him doing it just to avoid hurting me again, but I'd rather live something genuine than fake though.
So now I'm left with : a broken heart, lowered self-esteem because I tried my best to be the best gf I could be for him and despite that he lost his feelings overnight, and... many questions stuck in my brain with no answers.

Obviously feelings haven't changed on my side yet... I still love him although I initiated the breakup that I didn't really want.
I still wish for our relationship to be recovered some day, but I don't have much hope for it since we don't talk anymore and due to his lack of feelings (which I don't know is temporary or not, but I try to consider that it's something to take seriously). I'm not sure how would his feelings come back now that we don't talk and spend time with each other at all, nor share the same spaces online, so no random encounters that could bring back something, anything.

I just want to know your story, did something similar happen to you where your ex lost feelings suddenly for seemingly no reasons ? and if yes, did your ex come back later even after that ? how long after the break up if they came back ? and what kind of reason(s) did your ex give to explain themselves ?

For context : this is a long distance relationship, we've known each other since october 2025, met online, but never met in real life yet due to his social anxiety, one time we were supposed to spend a week together in april, we planned this months in advanced but he ended up cancelling it 2 weeks before due to his anxiety, and it was so bad that it pushed him to breakup with me. His anxiety prevents him from meeting anyone in real life besides his family. He also doesn't like himself much, doesn't like his body, think he is not a good person because he always mess things up, doesn't have a good life right now (no job, no higher education, no car license, living with his parents) etc.

As the title says, my boyfriend suddenly told me 3 days ago he started loosing feelings for me and was thinking of breaking up. But the weird thing though is that... he doesn't know why he suddenly lost feelings, is confused about it (or at least that's what he says, can't know if he's telling the whole truth or avoiding to mention a few things to not hurt me), but actually doesn't want to break up anymore. He suddenly changed his mind while about to break up when I told him I will accept the breakup, can't force him to stay with me after all, but I don't know if I would be able to stay friends if we do. I'm not sure why he changed his mind besides the fact that he "doesn't want to hurt me" and that he still feels a "part" of him loves me.

I guess I'm just scared now, like everyday, that at any moment he is going to announce he want to break up. And I don't know if there's any way to prevent this, I don't even know if I did (or didn't do) something that made him loose his feelings like that, and I don't know if I should keep hoping it's going to come back or not, just wait and distance myself a bit until then. There are days when we talk and have good time together playing and streaming games to each other like in the past, other days when there is barely any communication and it feels like he is avoiding him / doesn't want to talk or connect at all.

I'm so confused because the last few days I felt like the relationship was improving, that he was making more effort to be nice and spend time with me more than during the whole relationship when he was very in love, but if at the same time he was loosing feelings then... what does it mean (doesn't make sense to me), he is just preparing himself to transform the relationship into friendship maybe ?

I don't know if it's the right approach, but right now I just wait for him to initiate contact so that we spend time together, I don't go and pursue him because I don't want to look desperate and make things more awkward, don't want to pressure him too so I avoid showing affection like saying "I love you" (even though I really want to) or initiate difficult conversation topics about the relationship. I'm just... trying to act cool, but actually I'm kind of freaking out inside, because we used to be so much more close than this, now there is distance and so much uncertainty.

I invested myself a lot in this relationship and I don't want to loose it, I love him dearly despite all his flaws, and was hoping to build a future with him, including supporting him to go see a therapist that would help him learn how to handle better his BPD. But despite all my efforts to be kind, patient, loving (I'm not perfect but I try my best), I feel like the end is approaching soon though.... So I'm asking you BPD people, did loosing feelings for no reason like this ever happened to you ? Did the feelings came back later ? If yes then how it came back ? Should I just give up already and initiate the breakup myself, even if I still love him and want to be with him ? Do you have any idea why he hasn't even broken up with me yet ?

Sorry for the many questions, it's just I'm really worried right now. I hope you can help me, even if it's an ugly truth that I need to hear, please tell me I really need some guidance right now...