u/Frequent-Duck-910

My husband and I are in our early 30s and have been married for 5 years. We don’t have kids. Before marriage we even did premarital therapy because I really believed in communication and building a healthy relationship from the start.

The issue is that throughout our marriage, I’ve increasingly felt like I carry most of the emotional and mental load of the relationship.

Early on, I had to repeatedly ask him to step up more with chores and household responsibilities. He admitted himself that he grew up with his mom doing a lot for him, so initiative doesn’t come naturally to him.

But it goes beyond chores. I’m usually the one planning birthdays, family events, holidays, dates, remembering important things, coordinating with his family, etc. If I don’t organize something, it often just doesn’t happen.

Over the years, I’ve tried communicating that I want to feel pursued, considered, and emotionally supported without always having to ask first. I want him to take initiative sometimes — plan dates, notice things, follow through consistently, and make me feel like I’m not the “manager” of the relationship all the time.

To add context we both work full time, and financially I contribute equally if not more depending on the year. I’m also the one who keeps track of the bills/accounts/logistics. He honestly doesn’t even know some of the passwords or due dates because I’ve naturally become the person managing all of it.

That’s part of why I feel so mentally exhausted sometimes. It’s not just about romance or dates. It’s the feeling that I’m carrying the mental responsibility for a lot of our life together.

We’ve had many conversations about this, including therapy. To be fair to him, he usually listens, apologizes, acknowledges my feelings, and improves for a while. He’s not emotionally cruel, abusive, or cheating. He works hard, pays the bills, loves me, and genuinely seems to want us to work.

Because I don’t think he’s a bad husband in the traditional sense. But I’m becoming emotionally exhausted from repeating the same conversations over and over and still feeling like the emotional leadership and mental responsibility fall on me first.

For example, even when he tries planning something, I often end up feeling like I’m still steering the conversation because he keeps asking me what I want, when I want it, who I want there, etc. I know he probably sees that as including me, but to me it feels like I never get to mentally relax and just be cared for without orchestrating it first.

At the same time, I know I’ve become resentful. I can hear it in my tone sometimes now, and I don’t like that version of myself either. I know he feels criticized and probably feels like nothing he does is enough anymore.

My husband and I are in our early 30s well I’m 27 he’s 30 and have been married for 5 years. We don’t have kids. Before marriage we even did premarital therapy because I really believed in communication and building a healthy relationship from the start.

The issue is that throughout our marriage, I’ve increasingly felt like I carry most of the emotional and mental load of the relationship.

Early on, I had to repeatedly ask him to step up more with chores and household responsibilities. He admitted himself that he grew up with his mom doing a lot for him, so initiative doesn’t come naturally to him.

But it goes beyond chores. I’m usually the one planning birthdays, family events, holidays, dates, remembering important things, coordinating with his family, etc. If I don’t organize something, it often just doesn’t happen.

Over the years, I’ve tried communicating that I want to feel pursued, considered, and emotionally supported without always having to ask first. I want him to take initiative sometimes — plan dates, notice things, follow through consistently, and make me feel like I’m not the “manager” of the relationship all the time.

We’ve had many conversations about this, including therapy. To be fair to him, he usually listens, apologizes, acknowledges my feelings, and improves for a while. He’s not emotionally cruel, abusive, or cheating. He works hard, pays the bills, loves me, and genuinely seems to want us to work.

That’s honestly part of what makes this so hard.

Because I don’t think he’s a bad husband in the traditional sense. But I’m becoming emotionally exhausted from repeating the same conversations over and over and still feeling like the emotional leadership and mental responsibility fall on me first.

Recently during an argument I told him that I’m tired of having to constantly “manage” things. Even small situations become emotionally loaded for me because they remind me of years of feeling like I have to carry the planning, reminding, and emotional upkeep of the relationship.

For example, even when he tries planning something, I often end up feeling like I’m still steering the conversation because he keeps asking me what I want, when I want it, who I want there, etc. I know he probably sees that as including me, but to me it feels like I never get to mentally relax and just be cared for without orchestrating it first.

At the same time, I know I’ve become resentful. I can hear it in my tone sometimes now, and I don’t like that version of myself either. I know he feels criticized and probably feels like nothing he does is enough anymore.

we both work full time, and financially I contribute equally if not more depending on the year. I’m also the one who keeps track of the bills/accounts/logistics. He honestly doesn’t even know some of the passwords or due dates because I’ve naturally become the person managing all of it.

That’s part of why I feel so mentally exhausted sometimes. It’s not just about romance or dates. It’s the feeling that I’m carrying the mental responsibility for a lot of our life together. equally if not more depending on the year. I’m also the one who keeps track of the bills/accounts/logistics. He honestly doesn’t even know some of the passwords or due dates because I’ve naturally become the person managing all of it.

That’s part of why I feel so mentally exhausted sometimes. It’s not just about romance or dates. It’s the feeling that I’m carrying the mental responsibility for a lot of our life together.

My husband and I are in our early 30s and have been married for 5 years. We don’t have kids. Before marriage we even did premarital therapy because I really believed in communication and building a healthy relationship from the start.

The issue is that throughout our marriage, I’ve increasingly felt like I carry most of the emotional and mental load of the relationship.

Early on, I had to repeatedly ask him to step up more with chores and household responsibilities. He admitted himself that he grew up with his mom doing a lot for him, so initiative doesn’t come naturally to him.

But it goes beyond chores. I’m usually the one planning birthdays, family events, holidays, dates, remembering important things, coordinating with his family, etc. If I don’t organize something, it often just doesn’t happen.

Over the years, I’ve tried communicating that I want to feel pursued, considered, and emotionally supported without always having to ask first. I want him to take initiative sometimes — plan dates, notice things, follow through consistently, and make me feel like I’m not the “manager” of the relationship all the time.

We’ve had many conversations about this, including therapy. To be fair to him, he usually listens, apologizes, acknowledges my feelings, and improves for a while. He’s not emotionally cruel, abusive, or cheating. He works hard, pays the bills, loves me, and genuinely seems to want us to work.

That’s honestly part of what makes this so hard.

Because I don’t think he’s a bad husband in the traditional sense. But I’m becoming emotionally exhausted from repeating the same conversations over and over and still feeling like the emotional leadership and mental responsibility fall on me first.

Recently during an argument I told him that I’m tired of having to constantly “manage” things. Even small situations become emotionally loaded for me because they remind me of years of feeling like I have to carry the planning, reminding, and emotional upkeep of the relationship.

For example, even when he tries planning something, I often end up feeling like I’m still steering the conversation because he keeps asking me what I want, when I want it, who I want there, etc. I know he probably sees that as including me, but to me it feels like I never get to mentally relax and just be cared for without orchestrating it first.

At the same time, I know I’ve become resentful. I can hear it in my tone sometimes now, and I don’t like that version of myself either. I know he feels criticized and probably feels like nothing he does is enough anymore.

I think what’s breaking my heart is that I love him very much, but I’m starting to question whether love is enough if the dynamic itself leaves me chronically emotionally tired.

AITA for even considering leaving over something that sounds minor on the surface when my husband is genuinely a good person?

EDIT: To add context because I think some people are misunderstanding me: we both work full time, and financially I contribute equally if not more depending on the year. I’m also the one who keeps track of the bills/accounts/logistics. He honestly doesn’t even know some of the passwords or due dates because I’ve naturally become the person managing all of it.

That’s part of why I feel so mentally exhausted sometimes. It’s not just about romance or dates. It’s the feeling that I’m carrying the mental responsibility for a lot of our life together.