Anyone ever left a good person because you just aren't in love anymore?
[ TL;DR, - engaged 1 year, together for 10, everything about him is perfect on paper but I'm just not in love anymore and don't know what to do. seeking advice from anyone who can relate. ]
I'm 29F and fiance is 29M. College sweethearts, together 10 years. Lived together for the past 5 years, got engaged 9 years in despite lots of bickering and arguing on and off since living together. Big beautiful wedding is booked 6 months from now, engagement parties and showers are even sooner.
He's an amazing, kind man who wants to give me the world, who's attraction to me hasn't waivered, who is neat and cleans up after himself, would love for me to be a stay at home mom when we have kids or continue working my dream job (whatever makes me happy), no addictions, doesn't have social media, doesn't watch p0rn, doesn't get too drunk on a night out. He has an incredible family who all have become family to me over the past 10 years. My family adores him and he fits in so well with them. We also have many shared friends. I appreciate all of these things and his positive traits SO much, and they are what I want in my future husband, but I am just not attracted to him. I was attracted all through college, and my s3x drive for him was through the roof then.. but then I fell out of that once we entered the real world.. which made me ultimately fall out of love. It was hard to admit to myself over the years so I'd just bury it and ignore it, and stayed with him/continued living with him in hopes that I'd fall back in love, but just haven't - despite trying couples therapy, despite trying to do new and exciting things, etc. The lack of attraction on my part has led to a lack of s3x, and when it does happen occasionally, it's forced and not enjoyable for me... and he can sense it. This has built resentment in both of us and much of our arguments stem from that, however there are also poor communication issues on both sides that make arguments brutal. As the wedding draws closer, this gut feeling of dread is continuing to grow in me. His amazing traits are hard to find in a man, right..? Or do I not know what's out there because I've been in this relationship for all of my 20s? I've definitely grown as a person in my time with him, but I've always had this longing to be on my own and really find myself further.
And this is terrible, but when I occasionally go out dancing with my girlfriends, I get attention from attractive guys and feel this urge to engage with them, which I do NOT act on, but want to in those moments. I know that's terrible - call me terrible for it! But I just am having the hardest time deciding what to do.... do I stay with the man who will give me a good life and comes with all of the good traits I'm looking for - and just accept that I'll never be attracted and will always have to force s3x? Or take a chance (and big risk) on life and call it all off? And yes, I am seeing a therapist about this.