u/Frequent_Menu155

Alr so I am confused as hell about this whole gender thing so I would like to consult the genderfluid oracles for wisdom on this topic. I cant really understand what people mean when they say gender is "innate" and that everyone (at least subconciously) has a full understanding of their gender from birth. I've seen stories of trans people who know they were trans before they even learn what the words "boy" and "girl" mean like how tf do you even do that (i dont mean this in a transphobic way im genuinely impressed). i thought gender was just a choice. am i supposed to know what my "inherent true gender" is? how am i supposed to know what being a man or being a woman feels like? i mean a lot of you guys have experienced being both at some time in your life so surely you guys would know the difference, right? please help me out here

So for about a while now I've pretty frequently been getting turned on by the idea of me being a woman and being treated like one. All of my sexual fantasies nowadays involve me being a girl in some way and I've been listening to a lot of rp asmr where the listener is female (and usually jerking off to them). Honestly I feel really fucking disgusting. I feel like a fucking pervert. I keep on looking online for signs of being trans because i really wish that this is something more than just a fetish and im not just a perverted cis man who wants to be called a girl cus it makes his dick hard and most of them barely even fit me and i usually end up crying myself to sleep because of it. I've made 4 seperate alt accounts making posts about this on this sub but either i get told im cis and im just a weirdo or i get linked to a website that shows what gender dysphoria feels like and i can barely relate to most of them. Please tell me its not just a fetish. Please.