u/Frequent_Owl8477

We’ve been talking for 5+ months now and know each other from before. Things are going as good as they can between us, boundaries are respected, we share what bothers us and talk about it easily and spend the whole time talking pretty much, we get along unbelievably well. For some side context, both of us have recent previous relationships that didn’t go well - I’m divorced, went through alcohol rehab and slowly working myself back up and she’s been through it the whole time. She had a relationship where she felt like she wasn’t enough, wasn’t given attention, he made her feel like she isn’t a priority but just somebody who’s there, low effort really and she feels like something is wrong with her. I’m trying my best to help her through this but so far she said she’s made 0 progress in her mind about it and I’m meeting is off the table. She’ said she’s gotten comfortable with how we are because it’s nice, we get everything out of a relationship except the physical stuff.

BUT what I’m lost on here, is how she’s so scared to meet? I don’t know why she feels like she isn’t enough and isn’t ready. I feel like it’s because I’m doing something wrong, or not enough of something? I feel similar to her in that way but for her I’m willing to push those feelings aside because I crave her presence but she just doesn’t seem to be feeling anywhere near the same way I do.

She says she wants to meet up on dec 31 end of year, exactly a year after we started talking. Might not seem long but what’s killing me is she’s 2 hours away in the same country as I am and I would be there immediately if she was up for it but she just isn’t. I’m scared she’s not gonna heal at all because she isn’t really doing it for herself but because she set a deadline sort of, because of me. I also don’t understand how you can claim to crave someone’s presence so much but not want to actually have them beside you especially when it’s as simple as a 2 hour trip? Her self esteem issues confuse me too because this girl is drop dead gorgeous, no weight issues, NOTHING at all I could somewhat understand would be holding her back. She just says she isn’t ready.

Any girls felt similar to this? How do I understand this lol

So TLDR of this is there’s this girl from a city in my county, less than 2 hours away that I randomly added about 15 years ago on FB and we talked a bit, drifted apart and caught up with each other for a couple of years then nothing until last year December when I saw her liking depressing reels on insta and I saw shortly before there was a guy she was dating so I messaged her what’s up with that and the conversation flew off like never before.

I will note here that she was in shit relationships that made her feel like she’s too much and not enough at the same time and she has self esteem issues, traumas we’ve discussed she has to work through and is trying to.

Another thing to note here is I was married and split in September last year and the marriage led me from being fit, healthy and financially well off to an alcohol addict with debt to pay off that I’m working through now, and also extremely traumatised from the relationship. I went into rehab end of Jan and this girl stuck through it all with me and has been a massive support for me and still is. An absolute 10/10 caring, loving girl that I can safely say I dreamt of meeting someday lol.

So yeah, we’ve both got our own issues to work through and we’re helping each other. Except it’s been 5+ months now, she says I make her happier than she ever was before and feels safe etc, even other people noted to her that she looks happier now. But the issue is this: she is NOT ready to meet due to being insecure and scared.

From my POV, I am as well obviously cause we’re both messed up from the last relationship and I’m being patient and trying to understand. But I kind of don’t? I don’t get how you can feel like you’re fully in love with someone, feel safe, talk all the time but are too scared to take the next step and meet?

I might be overthinking but I’m scared of:

She’s gotten extremely comfortable with how we are cause it is nice to have someone there like this and she’s not really trying to work through her insecurities. I feel like time doesn’t really do much on its own on this specific issue? On my end I’ve gotten back into gym 5x a week, I’m taking care of my skin, my diet is clean and I’m overall extremely healthy and it’s working. On her end she’s keeping up the same routine she had before and even said she feels guilty for “taking physical parts of the relationship away from me(I am a very physical affection type of person) because she’s not ready and feels like she hasn’t made any progress yet”. She doesn’t HAVE to do anything really because I am patient and somewhat understand but I’m terrified this is gonna drag on forever with no change….

On the other hand I’m also scared of helping her heal and get better and then she realises this isn’t what she wanted, it’s just what she needed in the moment, for somebody to be loving and supporting. This happens in a shit ton of relationships. She doesn’t seem like the type of person who’d do this but if there’s one thing I’ve learned in life it’s you really can’t decide what you feel and things in our heads change when we do heal.

Maybe any girls here specifically that felt like this to explain the reasoning behind this? As a guy the way I see this is we match 10/10 on pretty much everything and at this point my insecurities and crap is pushed to the side by trusting her when she says she loves and accepts me. I may not feel enough for myself at the moment but I do trust her when she says I am enough for her, so I’d be willing to take the next step. She seems to not feel any of this and I can’t wrap my head around why. For context I do shower her with compliments which she struggles to take due to trauma and self esteem issues but I don’t know what else I can do or think at this point.