u/FreudianCoffeeSips

I'm curious how others respond to new clients, post-consultation, or post-first session who don't feel like a good fit, specifically when its regarding personality differences, your own capacity as a therapist, or countertransference. How do you respond when they press for more clarity about your decision? Ya'll have any go-to line?

A little more info to give you a sense of my experience: Once and a while, I will do a consultation with a new referral, and get this gut instinct that the client and I may not be a good fit. Any time I have ignored this, I get a couple sessions in and gain clarity as to why, leading to a referral out. So now I do my best to catch it during or after the consultation. I seek supervision for this when needed, and generally do a lot of reflecting afterwards to try and gain clarity before ever booking a session as to not waste the clients time or resources. Some of the reasons I've found; people needing more stability before engaging in the level of relational or trauma work I do, a mismatch in expectations (like people wanting me to 'fix' them, or to jump into trauma reprocessing right away), personality mismatch, countertransference around my own history of abuse like a client having similarities to the abuser (and before you say anything - yes I go to therapy and discuss aspects this in supervision haha), or someone generally requiring work that I know would stretch me past my current capacity.

I find the first two reasons easy to communicate about. Its the last ones that have me a little stumped (personality mismatch, capacity, countertransference). Im all for being honest and authentic, but I dont want to be a complete and utter a-hole by telling someone they arent my cup of tea. I definetly don't want to go into detail about my own stuff - and yet I also don't want to be so vague that people feel rejected or personalize it - after all its more about me than them. Although I recognize that how someone interprets my decision isn't up to me, I want to be... gentle? (im not sure thats the right word, but im not sure how else to describe it). Saying "I dont think we are the right fit" and when they ask why, just saying 'i cant share more' feels - cold? I say all of this after also reading a thread on reddit where clients were sharing about their perspectives and how it feels abusive for therapists to say this - which I thought was an interesting perspective from the other side. Personally, if a therapist said they didnt think we were a good fit, I wouldnt mind - but maybe that's because I too am a therapist.

TLDR: How do you tell a new referral they arent a good fit after a consultation, due to either personality differences, your own capacity, or countertransference. If they want to know specifics, what the heck do you say? Go-to lines?

Hello friends! I will be the first to admit I am picky when it comes to shampoo and conditioner. I have fine, curly hair, that gets dried out easily by harsh sulphates, and seems to become brittle with the slightest amount of protein. Im picky with smells - i love fresh, citrus, and loathe florals. I typically end up buying expensive brands, because every drug store option seems to really dry my hair out. I’ve tried the Abby Jung method (itkyk), and my hair hated it - so i really am on the train of thought to stay away from influencers with hair care advice because the whole thing just seems like influencer seeding at this point. Ideally id like to find something more affordable, but im not sure if what im looking for exists in a more affordable formulation.

things i like:

- lus brands is decent (conditioner is a tad too heavy).

- Dae shampoo and conditioner smell AMAZING and feel amazing.

- Curlsmith moisture line is ok. It gets the job done but i dont notice anything amazing in terms of my hair looking better over time.

- i like the scent of malibu c clarifying shampoo but obviously this is not an everyday shampoo.

things i dont like

- shea moisture and maui moisture were awful. Didn't love the smells, and they left a reaidu on my hair that felt waxy.

- garnier fructis - although i like the apply smell of the moisture line, it dried my hair so bad

- pantene gave me an awful itchy scalp

- amika - smelled so bad it gave me migraines

- loreal ever pure - didnt love the smell, didnt love the results. Its like my hair was both dry and oily?

TLDR: help me find a more affordable conditioner and shampoo set for my fine, dry, protein sensitive, curly hair, or I will be doomed to continue splurging on the more expensive stuff in this economy.