My (30F) (ex) boyfriend (31M) was friends with a recent hookup. It ended our relationship.
When I met my (ex) boyfriend, he told me about this friend of his that he dated just one or two months prior. He also told me he tried kissing her during a friend’s get together one week before we met. This girl was not a part of the friend group anymore due to some drama. My ex however, stayed friends with her.
One month into our dates, I remember how one day he texted me he was going downtown to meet her. I felt weird. I mentioned it to him, saying how it seems that they really liked each other, maybe there was something unresolved there? He said “whatttt nooo she is just my friend, I see her barely never. She is a good friend of mine, you might meet her one day”
I knew it, I knew it then. I knew I didn’t want to deal with it.
We started a relationship, and I remember a few months later we had a fight and needed some space from each other. A few days later we made peace, but who did he meet the next day? He went out with her and a couple, the four of them. He told me she had a boyfriend. That she was happy for him and he was happy for her. I said nothing because we were just recovering from a fight and did not want to cause more issues.
I have to say, I have a very low opinion of her based on her social media. She triggers me extremely because she is so different from me and seems to be someone that I could never befriend or admire. I am someone focused on self improvement, trying to become more peaceful, wise, and having my life together. I like girly, delicate, elegant things. I take so much pride in my integrity, honesty, loyalty. She is someone that to me feels like a teenager. She seems to try to be the quirky, one of the boys, the “cool girl” archetype. She has a very dark style. Seems to romanticize mental health issues, apparently has problems with alcohol, and to be quite frank I find her posts on social media idiotic. I felt repulsed, disgusted and offended that he liked someone like this. And now he liked me? What could we possibly have in common?
Whenever I talked to him about it, he became defensive and said she was just his friend. I couldn’t understand how one moment you were dating someone and sleeping with them, and the other you just turned that all off?
He tried to reassure me his way, saying I was his girlfriend, he loved me and wasn’t thinking of anyone else.
But this is not what I needed. What I needed was that a recent person he dated was not important and not a part of his life anymore.
He did stop going out with her and texting her, but he did it reluctantly and said once or twice “I don’t know how so-and-so is because of youuuuu!”
I became resentful, anxious, insecure, jealous, heavy, controlling and mean. I said horrible and nasty things about her that to be frank, were my true opinion.
There was someone else. Someone that was his ex and lives abroad. They dated and they both moved to different countries (he came to the country where I live, and she went somewhere else). I found out that all the years he has lived here, he kept in contact with her, talked everyday like best friends and also romantically and sexually. He travelled multiple times to visit her. When we started our relationship, it seems that the inappropriate part stopped. But the damage was already done, because I thought that it was a story unfinished and he loved her. I found that out because I snooped, I was going so crazy that I got to that point. I never had done this before and I can’t believe I had to step so low… but this is another story.
I became insufferable, so resentful and so anxious. I never wanted to have to deal with any of this.
This has ended our relationship. He ended it. We are still living together. Two weeks after the break up, he went out with her. Told me she lives with her boyfriend now and is doing great. Said again “She is just my friend! I have no romantic feelings for her!”
I wish I didn’t have had to deal with this. This made me sick. Destroyed my relationship, and left me feeling guilty and as if I was overreacting. As if I was the problem.
I wish he would have had my comfort and peace of mind as a priority. That he wouldn’t want to put me through this. That I was more important (even though he said I was) 😔
tl;dr: ex boyfriend had a person he dated one to two months prior to meeting me as a friend. He would go out with her one on one. I was extremely insecure about it despite him trying to say he loved me and wanted to be only with me. The type of person she was triggered me. I became insufferable. It ended our relationship, and about two weeks later he went out with her.