u/Friendly-Peanut3853

My ex and I broke up a year ago after being together for 10 years. We were high schoolers when we got together and he’s all I’ve ever known. That relationship was a toxic, abusive nightmare and my trauma bond to him finally broke. I’m now extremely terrified that the next person I get into a relationship with will be someone with a cluster B personality disorder. I haven’t even attempted to date at all because I am still trying to recover but I have my first counseling session scheduled for next week to try to process and understand why I stayed with someone for 10 years who physically and emotionally abused me.

I’m just wondering if anyone else was terrified of meeting another person with this personality disorder and if they ever were able to put themselves out there again romantically? How did you overcome this fear? What are red flags I can look for that will tell me early on if someone has BPD or NPD?

My abusive ex and I broke up a year ago. The trauma bond finally broke for me a few days ago and I am realizing just how damaged I really am from what happened. We got together when we were teenagers in high school and I stayed for 10 years so he’s all I’ve ever known. I finally found the courage to schedule a counseling appointment and my first session is next week.

I’m just looking for advice and wondering if anyone else has experienced this after ending an abusive relationship. First, I feel so lonely and isolated. I have no friends. My ex was the only person I spent time with so I didn’t make any friends when I was in college. The only people I spend time with are my family members (my parents and grandparents) who I love more than anything but I’m starting to feel purposeless and lonely. Second, I feel terrified to get back out there and date again. I’m so afraid to meet another abuser. I’m also painfully shy/introverted and constantly in my head thinking people will think I’m weird or get offended by what I say (I think I have social anxiety) so the thought of starting over and dating again sounds so exhausting and scary. I even struggle to have conversations with my coworkers now- I feel like I don’t know how to carry on a conversation if I don’t know the person well and I’ve always been shy but it seems like it’s gotten worse. At the same time though, I want to experience safe and healthy love with a truly kind and fun person. If truly kind and gentle men really exist? I want someone I can share my life with. I want to have a family and I feel like time is running out because I’m 27.

I’m just wondering if anyone else feels or has felt this same way and if it ever got better? How did you start dating again? How did you know you were ready to date again? How can I make friends when I’m so shy and introverted?

My ex boyfriend and I were together for 10 years and we got together when we were high schoolers. He was my first and only boyfriend. He was emotionally and physically abusive to me throughout the relationship. We broke up a year ago and I’ve been spending the past year crying, wanting to get back with him, wishing he’d finally take accountability. All of the sudden in an instant my mindset completely changed. I no longer feel in love with him, although I do care for him in the sense that I hope he is able to heal and have happiness one day. I finally found the strength to schedule a therapy appointment (I haven’t told anyone that I was in an abusive relationship yet, although my parents already suspected it). I see the abuse for what it was now whereas before I was letting nostalgia cloud my judgment. The relief that I am feeling to finally be free of the hold he had on me is so overwhelming. I think the thing that caused the trauma bond to break is I saw a movie about a man who was extremely gentle and calm and kind, and the contrast of that person versus my ex made me realize that’s what I want in a future partner. I was wondering if anyone else had this exact experience where it happened suddenly or if it’s just me?