u/Friendly_Spot_6770

hi, i am 21M my gf is 21F. we’ve been dating for a year now and i know i’ve been struggling with RJ for abt 8 ish months.

i wanted to share some other things ive been dealing with bc im not sure if it’s like “OCD thoughts” or just smth else, if someone could give their advice id rlly appreciate it.

i find myself second guess my feelings a lot, double checking like
“did i mean it when i told her i loved her?”
“do i feel certain abt her being my wife?”
“am i settling?”
“what if there’s someone better for me?”

sometimes these thoughts cause me to like check my feelings and see how “real” they feel. im rlly afraid to hurt my gf and lead her on, she doesn’t rlly know that i have these thoughts and idk how to tell her of if i should tell her at all.

is this rocd or j my normal thinking? not rlly sure how rocd works too much

if anyone has any thoughts id rlly appreciate it

thanks

I am 21M my gf is 21F, i’ve been struggling a lot to accept her past. we’ve been dating for a year and she’s the sweetest, most genuine girl i’ve ever met. she told me abt her past abt a year ago like right before we started dating. she told me she had slept with 22 people before me, and that they were all mostly one time things in search of validation due to her low self worth at the time. she told she’d be cheated on repeatedly in high school and regrets all the decisions she made.

she’s the first girl i’ve ever slept with, i’ve never been cheated on so i cant rlly relate to the pain or understand why she did what she did. i feel bad for obsessing over her past and making it an issue in our relationship today. sometimes my intrusive thoughts do rlly ruin my day and get the best of me and i start to spiral on them.

another part that rlly rlly gets to me is the fact that she has an MFF threesome when she was 16. she says she didn’t do anything w the girl, but the thought of it j rlly rlly makes me sick.

i’ve been in therapy for a while now and it has helped a bit.

idk, if anyone has any advice on what to do or just if they’ve experienced smth similar i’d appreciate anything.

thanks

Hi, I’m a 21M and my girlfriend is 21F. We’ve been together for about a year, and overall we have a really strong relationship. She’s genuinely my best friend, we’ve been there for each other through a lot, and I feel very safe and comfortable with her.

The main issue I struggle with is her sexual past. She told me early in our relationship that she had been with around 20 people before me. She’s the first person I’ve ever had sex with, so I think the difference in experience has made this particularly difficult for me.

For some context, a lot of her past experiences happened during a difficult period in high school. She was cheated on repeatedly, struggled with self-esteem, and told me she was looking for validation and didn’t have much self-respect at the time.

I understand that she was going through things I wasn’t there for, and I don’t want to judge her based on who she was as a teenager.

The problem is that over time I learned some specific details about certain experiences, and I’ve had a really difficult time getting those thoughts out of my head. I don’t want to go into the details because I know they aren’t helpful, but sometimes they come into my mind anyway and cause a lot of anxiety and physical discomfort.

I’ve been working on this in therapy for around 7 months. I’ve definitely improved and I’m more capable of staying present and I don’t get caught up in the thoughts as often as I used to. But I still have moments where thinking about her past really hurts, and I struggle with the fact that I may never personally agree with or understand some of the choices she made.

At the same time, I really do love her. I don’t want her to feel like she has to defend herself or apologize for things that happened before we met. I want to be able to see her for who she is now rather than constantly comparing her present to her past.

**For people who have dealt with something similar, how did you learn to stop dwelling on a partner’s past and actually move forward? Is acceptance something that eventually comes naturally, or is it more about learning to live with the discomfort without giving the thoughts so much attention?**

I’m not looking for reassurance about whether her past was “okay” or not. I’m more interested in advice on how to handle my own thoughts and feelings about it.

thanks

Hi, I’m a 21M and my girlfriend is 21F. We’ve been together for about a year, and overall we have a really strong relationship. She’s genuinely my best friend, we’ve been there for each other through a lot, and I feel very safe and comfortable with her.

The main issue I struggle with is her sexual past. She told me early in our relationship that she had been with around 20 people before me. She’s the first person I’ve ever had sex with, so I think the difference in experience has made this particularly difficult for me.

For some context, a lot of her past experiences happened during a difficult period in high school. She was cheated on repeatedly, struggled with self-esteem, and told me she was looking for validation and didn’t have much self-respect at the time.

I understand that she was going through things I wasn’t there for, and I don’t want to judge her based on who she was as a teenager.

The problem is that over time I learned some specific details about certain experiences, and I’ve had a really difficult time getting those thoughts out of my head. I don’t want to go into the details because I know they aren’t helpful, but sometimes they come into my mind anyway and cause a lot of anxiety and physical discomfort.

I’ve been working on this in therapy for around 7 months. I’ve definitely improved and I’m more capable of staying present and I don’t get caught up in the thoughts as often as I used to. But I still have moments where thinking about her past really hurts, and I struggle with the fact that I may never personally agree with or understand some of the choices she made.

At the same time, I really do love her. I don’t want her to feel like she has to defend herself or apologize for things that happened before we met. I want to be able to see her for who she is now rather than constantly comparing her present to her past.

For people who have dealt with something similar, how did you learn to stop dwelling on a partner’s past and actually move forward? Is acceptance something that eventually comes naturally, or is it more about learning to live with the discomfort without giving the thoughts so much attention?

I’m not looking for reassurance about whether her past was “okay” or not. I’m more interested in advice on how to handle my own thoughts and feelings about it.

thanks